The wig.

The summer after I graduated from high school I worked at our local mall in the Sears store selling womens' clothing. The carpet department was right across the aisle. There was a guy named Jay who worked in that department. He became attentive and managed to always have his break at the same time as me.. He was 28 and I was 18. So.. I was really flattered that an older guy would be interested. He did not wear a ring and I remember that I specifically asked him if he was married. He said no. We went out after work only one time- a pretty innocuous date. He asked for my address so he could write me when I left for college.
 I got to Ohio State and forgot about him.  Then one evening my room mate and I for lack of anything better to do, (and both being total nerds) ended up in the library and found a section that had telephone books from all over Ohio. It occurred to me that I had not heard from Jay. So I managed to find him in one of the phone directories. I wrote him a letter. Then I promptly forgot about him again.
About a week later I got a phone call from him. He told me that he had something to tell me and I would be upset. He said he was married and had 6 children. His wife had gotten the letter I wrote. He asked me to please not write him ever again. I thought that was the funniest thing and couldn't stop laughing. He was a little nonplussed that I was not upset..
At Thanksgiving I went home and told my sister about what had happened but made her promise not to tell Mom and Dad. She promised but the day after I left for school again she spilled the beans to Mom.
Now you'd have to know my Mom to understand how funny this next thing is. She (Mom) was always pretty reserved and shy! She purchased a blond wig at the local grocery store ( they were having a promotion of some sort) She herself had very dark brown hair, and with her coloring the blond wig did her no favors. She disguised herself in the wig...my sister said her hair was hanging out in the back.... and headed to Sears. She made my sister go with her. She (my sister) was totally humiliated and tried to act like she really wasn't with her.. When they got there Mom demanded to see the manager of the carpet department and Jay. She read them the riot act, calling Jay a "cad" who would take advantage of a naive young girl (me). I guess he ended up getting fired!  From that point on I looked at my mother with new respect!!

The Blind Date

Walking the dog yesterday through the snow, I was trying to be careful not to step in anything. People tend not to clean up after their pets when it snows for some reason. Anyway it brought to mind a time I DID step in something......
One summer when I was in college at OSU my room mate insisted on fixing me up with her boyfriend's friend. They were both chemical engineers at Wright-Pat- not my type at all!! After much prodding-I finally  reluctantly agreed to a double date.
Lennie (her boyfriend) and ? (I can't even remember his name- let's just call him Jeff) turned up in a convertible and we packed a picnic lunch and headed to Griggs Dam. It was a beautiful day. The picnic was nice; we hiked around for a while, but believe me there was NO chemistry. Finally we headed home. I was sitting in the back seat with "Jeff" and I began to smell something nasty. So I start thinking things like, "Doesn't this guy use deoderant?". and "How long since he's washed his underwear?".... you get the picture! I was outraged as my senses were assaulted! We got back to our house- a double we were renting on North Fourth Street, and I barely said goodbye. I couldn't wait to get away! I flounced out of the car and up two flights of stairs to my room thinking VERY unkind thoughts. Then I began to realize that the smell had followed me . I looked down and  the MOTHER of ALL DOG TURDS was wrapped around my shoe. How I could not have seen it I will never know as it was a putrid orange color and curved up each side of my shoe a good 3-4 inches.I guess it truly was a blind date and I was the one who was blind!! I had tracked it all the way through the house and up the stairs!! This was a big lesson to me about being self righteous!
But it was funny. I laughed until I cried, all the while scrubbing those two sets of stairs.