Last night was one of the WORST. I had agreed to dog sit Biscuit for Les and Brad while they were away. Since I had to be in Dublin at 6 AM (AARGH!); it seemed logical to spend the night in Hilliard rather than here. So I packed up Dakota and took him with me. I got all comfy with both dogs on their wonderful couch. All went well at first..We watched "Men of the Yukon." I fell asleep watching them butcher caribou! ( the men- not the dogs) Then the party started....Actually there was a party next door. A teenage boy lives there with his Mom and kids kept coming and going. Every time a car door would slam both dogs would leap off the couch barking furiously. This happened about every 15- 20 minutes or whenever I would doze off. This went on until about 2:30 AM. Then both dogs decided that they needed to go out! I'm ashamed to say I told Dakota to" go piss in the corner and leave me the hell alone" (Sorry, Les)
By this time both dogs had decided they were fully awake. They would come and stand about 6 inches from my head staring at me until I woke up.(Just like Leslie used to do) Then they decided to wrestle and hump each other. Then they got out the squeaky toys about 3:20 AM. I had to get up and take those away. Then Dakota decided that it would be fun to wait until I fell asleep and then lick me on the lips. This happened several times (YUK) until I finally had to cover my head! The lyrics "clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right..stuck in the middle with you" kept going thru my head as the dogs wanted to cuddle up on either side of me. At 4 AM Biscuit stood by my head and whined to let me know that he was hungry. (Earlier Dakota had eaten his food before he could get to it.) So...I got up and fed him. Finally both dogs tired of their party antics and fell asleep just as my alarm went off, of course! It made me think of some of the slumber parties that the girls used to have- When I left for Dublin at 5:30 AM, I was barely functional. I only got lost once on the way and got there right on the dot. Not bad considering it was the night from hell.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
The Miracle Suits
There's nothing quite so disconcerting as going to a church mission presentation and finding yourself plastered on a huge screen in your worst possible swimsuit for all the world to see. I went straight into denial mode. It hurt my eyes! So I tried to pretend it really wasn't there! (Even if it was on a mission for God. We had taken severely disabled children to a water park for the day.) I overheard someone say' " That settles it- I can never go to Nicaragua- I can't be seen in a swimsuit like that!" Oh well.....
It always amuses me to see magazine articles that direct one to buy a particular style of swimsuit to "camouflage " problem areas. Like that really works! I always found that the best thing to do was to hang out at the beach or pool with the most morbidly obese person I could find so I would look good in comparison! It's all relative......
Speaking of which I have my own theory of relativity when it comes to swimsuits. E=mc squared is Excess = mass crushed and squished. If you compress something somewhere it's just gonna pop out somewhere else!It's not gonna just disappear...
I buy a lot of swimsuits since I'm in the pool a lot. The chlorine isn't kind to them so they wear out quickly.
The backs tend to become thin to the point that they are transparent. My friends and I have taken a serious oath to always tell each other if our suits are in bad shape as nobody in their right mind looks at their own backside while in a swimsuit!
This time of year I try to hit the sales and stock up for the "dry" season when stores do not stock swimsuits.
I do love a good sale! Imagine my excitement this last week when I found out that Macy's had swimsuits 75% off! I hightailed it over there and found 2 "miracle suits" that I had looked at in passing many times. They normally sell for $142-$146, WAY out of my price range! Now a "miracle suit" is the cadillac of swimsuits. Right on the tag it says that it provides triple the holding power of a regular suit and you can look 10 lbs lighter in 10 seconds. Well let me tell you it is more like 10 minutes. Those buggers are NOT easy to get on. You have to wiggle into it for a while, then rest, then repeat several times. It is "constructed to shape and firm the body"...at least those parts that are not hanging out of the suit. Anyway I took the suits to the register. One rang up for $35, the other for $146. The elderly cashier said "well since one is on sale the other should be, too. So I will give you 75% off of both ( A true miracle, I'm thinking) Then she said I'm going to give you an extra 20% off. I thought I'd died and gone to swimsuit heaven..unheard of! Then her supervisor showed up and said "those suits are not on sale; they NEVER go on sale! It's a mistake!" The elderly cashier said, " well they should be." Then the supervisor says," tell me you did NOT just give her an extra 20 % off! " It was about then that I decided I should take my purchase and get the hell out of Dodge before they took it back! I left them arguing furiously as I practically ran out of the store!
It always amuses me to see magazine articles that direct one to buy a particular style of swimsuit to "camouflage " problem areas. Like that really works! I always found that the best thing to do was to hang out at the beach or pool with the most morbidly obese person I could find so I would look good in comparison! It's all relative......
Speaking of which I have my own theory of relativity when it comes to swimsuits. E=mc squared is Excess = mass crushed and squished. If you compress something somewhere it's just gonna pop out somewhere else!It's not gonna just disappear...
I buy a lot of swimsuits since I'm in the pool a lot. The chlorine isn't kind to them so they wear out quickly.
The backs tend to become thin to the point that they are transparent. My friends and I have taken a serious oath to always tell each other if our suits are in bad shape as nobody in their right mind looks at their own backside while in a swimsuit!
This time of year I try to hit the sales and stock up for the "dry" season when stores do not stock swimsuits.
I do love a good sale! Imagine my excitement this last week when I found out that Macy's had swimsuits 75% off! I hightailed it over there and found 2 "miracle suits" that I had looked at in passing many times. They normally sell for $142-$146, WAY out of my price range! Now a "miracle suit" is the cadillac of swimsuits. Right on the tag it says that it provides triple the holding power of a regular suit and you can look 10 lbs lighter in 10 seconds. Well let me tell you it is more like 10 minutes. Those buggers are NOT easy to get on. You have to wiggle into it for a while, then rest, then repeat several times. It is "constructed to shape and firm the body"...at least those parts that are not hanging out of the suit. Anyway I took the suits to the register. One rang up for $35, the other for $146. The elderly cashier said "well since one is on sale the other should be, too. So I will give you 75% off of both ( A true miracle, I'm thinking) Then she said I'm going to give you an extra 20% off. I thought I'd died and gone to swimsuit heaven..unheard of! Then her supervisor showed up and said "those suits are not on sale; they NEVER go on sale! It's a mistake!" The elderly cashier said, " well they should be." Then the supervisor says," tell me you did NOT just give her an extra 20 % off! " It was about then that I decided I should take my purchase and get the hell out of Dodge before they took it back! I left them arguing furiously as I practically ran out of the store!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)