Christmas is my favorite time of year.I think it's partly because my Mom and Dad made it so much fun when I was a kid. Mom especially worked hard to make it a magical time. Dad's contribution was to read us the Christmas story from the Bible on Christmas eve. Then he would read "The Night Before Christmas" to us, making it up as he went along. I particularly remember the line " Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and fell out on my ass!"
One year Mom took us to Rikes in downtown Dayton to Tykes which was a place children could shop for gifts for their parents. I remember I spent 25 cents and bought my Mom a handkerchief which I wrapped in an empty metal bandaid box. Typical boy- my brother way overspent and had to put lots of things back.We sneaked peaks at what we had gotten each other. He got me a plastic bird that came with paints for you to paint it. It was pretty cool.
Mom and Dad always hid the presents- wrapped- on the very top shelf in their closet. We could hardly wait for them to go outside or somewhere so we could snoop. We would get a chair and stack things til we could climb up and reach the gifts.I'm surprised none of us ever broke our necks. My sister would be the lookout person.Then it was my job to carefully unwrap each thing. We would look at the stuff then I would carefully wrap them back up. I was REALLY good at it. They never caught on.
We kids would wake up at about 4 AM on Christmas morning, grab our stockings and usually all climb into my bed and dump them out. There were always chocolate gold coins which were a big hit. I remember Mom and Dad were always grumpy because they had stayed up late putting something together. But we were always all up by at least 6 AM. The excitement was too much!
Switch to 30 years later- I'M still excited but MY children wouldn't wake up early! I always had to go wake them up!! I couldn't wait! They did not like that...One year I made a trail of candy kisses from their bedrooms to the Christmas tree. That was fun. I always love trying to find new ways to surprise everyone!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Dolls from Christmas past
My brother and I used to wait with excitement for the yearly Sears catalog to arrive. We would have a truce and sit down together and look at it. We would take turns "picking " the toys we wanted on each page of the toy section. I mainly wanted dolls. Somehow started thinking about dolls I used to have that are long gone- all of which were Christmas presents.
The first was a terry cloth doll that looked like an elf. It had a pointy hat and a vinyl face. My brother got mad at me for something and mashed its face in and it wouldn't pop back out. I cried buckets and he got spanked. Then there was Sweet Sue. I carried her around all the time. Her face - like mine- was permanently dirty. She was also missing a lot of hair . I had probably cut it at some point. like mine.
The next one I remember was my Betsy doll. She would cry "Mama" when you turned her over. My brother and I decided to play hospital. Gathered scissors and paring knife. (I don't know where my Mom was) He must have been about 7 and I must have been about 4-5. We worked like the dickens to remove her voice box (his idea). I was the nurse. He would say "scissors" or "knife" and I would hand them over. I remember there was lots of sawdust involved. When the operation was successfully completed. I looked at him and said, "Now put it back." He simply looked at me in disgust and said, "I'm done here." I think we both got spanked over that one.
Then there was the Bride doll. Oh how beautiful she was that first week. Then for some reason she was divested of her clothing for the rest of her life. (like all my other dolls). My Mom spent hours sewing beautiful doll clothes. But alas....my dolls were always naked.
An aside- my sister got mad at me that summer and blew her nose on every piece of doll clothing that I had and threw them all over the yard. Creative thinking that was.......
The last doll I ever got was the "Suzanne" doll. I was maybe 11. It was my heart's desire to have a "Barbie" doll. To my parents it was all the same. She looked like a Barbie doll but she was NOT a Barbie. I hid my disappointment well. But my heart was broken.
Lived vicariously for many years through my daughters dolls. They had scads of Barbies who all lived in the basement. We set up boxes as stores and created a Barbie shopping mall. There was a Barbie party barn which now serves as the stable for the nativity.
The first was a terry cloth doll that looked like an elf. It had a pointy hat and a vinyl face. My brother got mad at me for something and mashed its face in and it wouldn't pop back out. I cried buckets and he got spanked. Then there was Sweet Sue. I carried her around all the time. Her face - like mine- was permanently dirty. She was also missing a lot of hair . I had probably cut it at some point. like mine.
The next one I remember was my Betsy doll. She would cry "Mama" when you turned her over. My brother and I decided to play hospital. Gathered scissors and paring knife. (I don't know where my Mom was) He must have been about 7 and I must have been about 4-5. We worked like the dickens to remove her voice box (his idea). I was the nurse. He would say "scissors" or "knife" and I would hand them over. I remember there was lots of sawdust involved. When the operation was successfully completed. I looked at him and said, "Now put it back." He simply looked at me in disgust and said, "I'm done here." I think we both got spanked over that one.
Then there was the Bride doll. Oh how beautiful she was that first week. Then for some reason she was divested of her clothing for the rest of her life. (like all my other dolls). My Mom spent hours sewing beautiful doll clothes. But alas....my dolls were always naked.
An aside- my sister got mad at me that summer and blew her nose on every piece of doll clothing that I had and threw them all over the yard. Creative thinking that was.......
The last doll I ever got was the "Suzanne" doll. I was maybe 11. It was my heart's desire to have a "Barbie" doll. To my parents it was all the same. She looked like a Barbie doll but she was NOT a Barbie. I hid my disappointment well. But my heart was broken.
Lived vicariously for many years through my daughters dolls. They had scads of Barbies who all lived in the basement. We set up boxes as stores and created a Barbie shopping mall. There was a Barbie party barn which now serves as the stable for the nativity.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Taylor Family Christmas 2011
I love my crazy dysfunctional family. Our annual family Christmas party would rival the Griswold's any day!
This was the first year that we didn't draw names, but instead took either a generic guy or gal gift. It didn't work out so well. You first have to understand that the modus operandi of this family is to spend as little as possible even though it is a "$20" exchange. We all like to get good value for our money.
I was the lucky recipient of a faux fur leopard skin scarf. While I'm sure it was very nice. It just wasn't "me."
I brought a set of snowmen mugs in a box that I had received the day before at a Christmas party with friends. My niece got them, to her dismay.
Well, as soon as all the gifts were opened the trading and dealing began- very matter of fact- no hurt feelings.My niece traded 2 of the 4 mugs to Grandma for her bag of miscellaneous stuff that she didn't want. She then traded the box they came in for a fabric bag that someone else's gift had been in. Mom and Dad had shopped at CVS and gotten boxes of candy (it was B1G1 free) My sister got one. She is diabetic but still would not trade for the scarf.
My brother leans over to me and says "We got a really really incredible deal on that scarf." I'm thinking, "I'll bet you did!" My sister pipes up, "I paid 25 cents for that gift at a garage sale; it was brand new. And that fabric bag came in the mail yesterday; it was a freebie." I myself had stopped at CVS this morning and the machine spit out a coupon for a zhu-zhu pet for 99 cents. (they're normally $9.99) I took it as a sign from God and got it for my 7 yr old great nephew. During all the trading and dealing my brother says, "You know I really think this family should be celebrating Hanukkah!" ( My grandmother- Dad's side- was Jewish)
Then came the best part- the gag gifts. That is a Chinese gift exchange- draw numbers, then take from the pile or steal. Once everyone has a gift we open them one at a time and roar with laughter. A sampling of the gifts; a glass block holding a bride and groom that lights up in different colors, a toilet gasket changing kit, etc.There was a really nice set of wooden napkin rings. Being basically a blue collar family no one wanted them. So I finally took them with the intent of turning them into something else. My contribution was a canister of "Trap a Crap." Which by the way, my nephew should have borrowed. He used the bathroom off the family room and as my Dad said "must have gone in there and killed a goat." It was prettty awful. At that point the party began to break up.
I'm proud to say that I did not pass go but drove straight to Elder Beerman in Huber Heights and parlayed that faux fur leopard skin scarf into a nice necklace for my daughter and earrings for me! :)
Looking forward to next year.
This was the first year that we didn't draw names, but instead took either a generic guy or gal gift. It didn't work out so well. You first have to understand that the modus operandi of this family is to spend as little as possible even though it is a "$20" exchange. We all like to get good value for our money.
I was the lucky recipient of a faux fur leopard skin scarf. While I'm sure it was very nice. It just wasn't "me."
I brought a set of snowmen mugs in a box that I had received the day before at a Christmas party with friends. My niece got them, to her dismay.
Well, as soon as all the gifts were opened the trading and dealing began- very matter of fact- no hurt feelings.My niece traded 2 of the 4 mugs to Grandma for her bag of miscellaneous stuff that she didn't want. She then traded the box they came in for a fabric bag that someone else's gift had been in. Mom and Dad had shopped at CVS and gotten boxes of candy (it was B1G1 free) My sister got one. She is diabetic but still would not trade for the scarf.
My brother leans over to me and says "We got a really really incredible deal on that scarf." I'm thinking, "I'll bet you did!" My sister pipes up, "I paid 25 cents for that gift at a garage sale; it was brand new. And that fabric bag came in the mail yesterday; it was a freebie." I myself had stopped at CVS this morning and the machine spit out a coupon for a zhu-zhu pet for 99 cents. (they're normally $9.99) I took it as a sign from God and got it for my 7 yr old great nephew. During all the trading and dealing my brother says, "You know I really think this family should be celebrating Hanukkah!" ( My grandmother- Dad's side- was Jewish)
Then came the best part- the gag gifts. That is a Chinese gift exchange- draw numbers, then take from the pile or steal. Once everyone has a gift we open them one at a time and roar with laughter. A sampling of the gifts; a glass block holding a bride and groom that lights up in different colors, a toilet gasket changing kit, etc.There was a really nice set of wooden napkin rings. Being basically a blue collar family no one wanted them. So I finally took them with the intent of turning them into something else. My contribution was a canister of "Trap a Crap." Which by the way, my nephew should have borrowed. He used the bathroom off the family room and as my Dad said "must have gone in there and killed a goat." It was prettty awful. At that point the party began to break up.
I'm proud to say that I did not pass go but drove straight to Elder Beerman in Huber Heights and parlayed that faux fur leopard skin scarf into a nice necklace for my daughter and earrings for me! :)
Looking forward to next year.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The Dog
Dakota is the first dog I've ever had . He is a mix- daschund,beagle and pug. Thank goodness he only weighs about 20 #. He can't pull me around but I CAN pull him around. He is a rescue, three years old, and already trained. Having a dog is pretty much like having a toddler. I can't make a move without the dog checking it out. There MIGHT be a possibility that I am getting ready to go outside or... maybe I'm getting him food.. I always think of the song, "Every Breath you Take," by The Police. From the dog's point of view it might go like this..."
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bathroom break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you........
When I am in a hurry to go somewhere and I want him to go to the bathroom he is never ready. He circles a bush like a shark circling its prey. But on our mile long walks he averages about 12 pees. I swear he is a fur covered bladder.
I have learned a lot- like--- always check the plastic bags for holes before scooping up poo. And - make sure the door is always shut or he will run away as fast as his little legs can carry him!
And- never forget he is a DOG. That means he will check out the garbage if it is accessible and will pillage your coat pockets if you leave dog treats in them. He just can't help it.
His little tail never stops wagging when he is awake. He meets me at the door every time I come home like he hasn't seen me in weeks. He loves to try and lick my face when I least expect it..Aargh! Dog germs!!
But- for a dog- he is really almost perfect- rarely bothers anything and is a great watch dog. I think I'll keep him!
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bathroom break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you........
When I am in a hurry to go somewhere and I want him to go to the bathroom he is never ready. He circles a bush like a shark circling its prey. But on our mile long walks he averages about 12 pees. I swear he is a fur covered bladder.
I have learned a lot- like--- always check the plastic bags for holes before scooping up poo. And - make sure the door is always shut or he will run away as fast as his little legs can carry him!
And- never forget he is a DOG. That means he will check out the garbage if it is accessible and will pillage your coat pockets if you leave dog treats in them. He just can't help it.
His little tail never stops wagging when he is awake. He meets me at the door every time I come home like he hasn't seen me in weeks. He loves to try and lick my face when I least expect it..Aargh! Dog germs!!
But- for a dog- he is really almost perfect- rarely bothers anything and is a great watch dog. I think I'll keep him!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
While cleaning out files came across many things from teaching school. One of the things was an announcement I had written for the principal to read over the PA system.
The other special area teachers had bet me that I couldn't get our principal to read a really stupid announcement. ( He didn't have much of a sense of humor when it came to looking silly) Well, game on!.....
They didn't think it could be done but I had great confidence that it could be pulled off.
I usually had an announcement to be read once a week or so anyway when I needed kids to bring in specific items ,so an announcement from me was nothing new.
I created a double-sided announcement. The front said "Newspapers are needed in the art room. Anyone-"
(Then it had to be turned over to read the rest.) which said- "have their hair dyed green should report to the art room at lunch time!"
Well, all of us hid in the gym during morning announcements, waiting with baited breath. Sure enough he began reading my innocuous announcement, then got to the back of it. There was the longest pregnant pause in the history of man. He didn't know what to do but knew he had been had. So he finally read it as written as fast as he possibly could. We were all laughing hysterically; you could probably hear us throughout the building. He (the principal) ended up not speaking to me for a week. But..I won the bet and he finally forgave me.
The other special area teachers had bet me that I couldn't get our principal to read a really stupid announcement. ( He didn't have much of a sense of humor when it came to looking silly) Well, game on!.....
They didn't think it could be done but I had great confidence that it could be pulled off.
I usually had an announcement to be read once a week or so anyway when I needed kids to bring in specific items ,so an announcement from me was nothing new.
I created a double-sided announcement. The front said "Newspapers are needed in the art room. Anyone-"
(Then it had to be turned over to read the rest.) which said- "have their hair dyed green should report to the art room at lunch time!"
Well, all of us hid in the gym during morning announcements, waiting with baited breath. Sure enough he began reading my innocuous announcement, then got to the back of it. There was the longest pregnant pause in the history of man. He didn't know what to do but knew he had been had. So he finally read it as written as fast as he possibly could. We were all laughing hysterically; you could probably hear us throughout the building. He (the principal) ended up not speaking to me for a week. But..I won the bet and he finally forgave me.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Getting into trouble..
Got in trouble a LOT as a kid. My brother and I were never at a loss finding something to do that we shouldn't. I actually think we may have gotten spanked at least every other day. But it really didn't deter us!
The biggest bone of contention with my Dad was tree climbing . Unfortunately we tended to break off limbs and he didn't like that. I remember he told us "I don't want to see you climbing any more trees!" So.. we only climbed them while he was at work. We would check the clock to make sure he "didn't see us climbing trees." It was too much fun.
When my Mom was really tired of dealing with us she would often give us a pitcher of water and a little pile of dirt and let us make mud pies. I loved it!- probably why I like working with clay so much now!
Except one day she went in the house and left us alone too long.....
We got bored with mud pies and started smearing the mud on each other- at first just a little- then it was full fledged mud slinging. I had really long hair at the time and my brother decided to shampoo my hair with mud. I remember we were doing the "mud daubers' waltz" ( the only time I ever waltzed with my brother, actually)
when my Mom came out to see what we were doing. I think you could have heard her scream from miles away! We were covered from head to toe. I remember she would spank me, then she would wash my hair, then she would sob, then repeat the process until I was finally clean. It took a really long time :) That was the last of the mud pies!
Don't remember much about my sister except we always fought over who had to rinse the dishes- the washer or the dryer? We had to fight silently so as not to disturb my Dad. It was a real cat fight with hissing and scratching. She even filed her nails to points once in preparation for the daily battle.
I remember my folks got in a really big fight once because my mom got really annoyed at my brother while we were outside in the garden. She threw a rotten tomato at him and it hit him in the side of the head. I thought it was the BEST thing that ever happened but my Dad considered it child abuse. (Even though it only hurt his- my brother's- pride) I thought my Mom had pretty darn good aim.
Actually the last time I ever remember getting in trouble was when I was about 11 or 12. My brother called me a "skank." I calmly took off my sweater, turned it til the buttons were on the outside and proceeded to flog him with it . My parents thought I overreacted but he had been baiting me for some time and I was sick and tired of it!! BTW I really didn't have an anger management issue even though it may sound like it. I was always pretty even keel and it took a lot to upset me.
It's wonderful we all get along so well now. I guess my parents did a pretty good job under the circumstances. They have enjoyed watching the grandkids provide the "paybacks."
The biggest bone of contention with my Dad was tree climbing . Unfortunately we tended to break off limbs and he didn't like that. I remember he told us "I don't want to see you climbing any more trees!" So.. we only climbed them while he was at work. We would check the clock to make sure he "didn't see us climbing trees." It was too much fun.
When my Mom was really tired of dealing with us she would often give us a pitcher of water and a little pile of dirt and let us make mud pies. I loved it!- probably why I like working with clay so much now!
Except one day she went in the house and left us alone too long.....
We got bored with mud pies and started smearing the mud on each other- at first just a little- then it was full fledged mud slinging. I had really long hair at the time and my brother decided to shampoo my hair with mud. I remember we were doing the "mud daubers' waltz" ( the only time I ever waltzed with my brother, actually)
when my Mom came out to see what we were doing. I think you could have heard her scream from miles away! We were covered from head to toe. I remember she would spank me, then she would wash my hair, then she would sob, then repeat the process until I was finally clean. It took a really long time :) That was the last of the mud pies!
Don't remember much about my sister except we always fought over who had to rinse the dishes- the washer or the dryer? We had to fight silently so as not to disturb my Dad. It was a real cat fight with hissing and scratching. She even filed her nails to points once in preparation for the daily battle.
I remember my folks got in a really big fight once because my mom got really annoyed at my brother while we were outside in the garden. She threw a rotten tomato at him and it hit him in the side of the head. I thought it was the BEST thing that ever happened but my Dad considered it child abuse. (Even though it only hurt his- my brother's- pride) I thought my Mom had pretty darn good aim.
Actually the last time I ever remember getting in trouble was when I was about 11 or 12. My brother called me a "skank." I calmly took off my sweater, turned it til the buttons were on the outside and proceeded to flog him with it . My parents thought I overreacted but he had been baiting me for some time and I was sick and tired of it!! BTW I really didn't have an anger management issue even though it may sound like it. I was always pretty even keel and it took a lot to upset me.
It's wonderful we all get along so well now. I guess my parents did a pretty good job under the circumstances. They have enjoyed watching the grandkids provide the "paybacks."
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Babysitters
My parents rarely got babysitters for us kids as we were too hard on them. The first babysitter I remember was named Jackie. She lived across the road from us, the oldest of 8 children. I remember my Mom and Dad giving us very specific directions as to what we were NOT to do. We could barely wait for them to leave so we could do all the taboo things! As soon as they got out of sight we would begin by squealing and jumping on the couch. We progressed from there. Jackie often cried. We would beg her not to tell on us. I distinctly remember the last time she sat for us. My brother stuck a screw driver in an electrical outlet, got shocked and blew out all the fuses in the house.We sat in the dark until Mom and Dad got back.
After that we had my aunts ( my mom has four sisters). They all took turns spending the summer watching us when my mom was going to school.( Although sometimes my brother and I got to go with her and sit in the library at U.D. while she was at class. We were afraid of the nuns and were quite good!)
When my Mom finished her teaching degree and went to work we had a progression of "nannies".
The one I remember most was Ollie, a tall skinny woman, who was a dead ringer for Flo from TV. She used snuff but thought we didn't know. She was very tightly wound. She was with us 2 years I think, but finally had to give up her post due to extreme anxiety and stress. My sister had a habit of running outside naked which caused Ollie to scream. I really didn't like her (Ollie). I must have been about 8 the summer I tried to run over her with my bike. I was totally chagrined as she jumped safely out of the way at the last minute! That was the same summer that my brother and I got into a fight and he dared me to stab him with a steak knife. He even went and got one and handed it to me. (I don't think I really would have done it....but I gave it some serious consideration ). That put her over the edge. She begged my folks to take her to the Greyhound Bus Station.
There were others that were short-lived. The last one I remember was a rotund lady named Katie, who wore her hair in braids wrapped around her head. She liked to chew gum and would s-t-r-e-t-c-h it out about 2 feet in front of her and then pop it back into her mouth over and over . We were fascinated. She didn't work out though, as she had a nasty habit of spitting in the sink and wouldn't do what my mom told her.
Finally I was old enough to be the baby sitter for my little brother who was 12 years younger. I took care of him when my mom taught summer school. I remember he always spit up milk thru his nose... and I can still hear that wee little voice (in my head) wailing.."Gail, come and wipe me!," when he was on the potty. Woohoo!
After that we had my aunts ( my mom has four sisters). They all took turns spending the summer watching us when my mom was going to school.( Although sometimes my brother and I got to go with her and sit in the library at U.D. while she was at class. We were afraid of the nuns and were quite good!)
When my Mom finished her teaching degree and went to work we had a progression of "nannies".
The one I remember most was Ollie, a tall skinny woman, who was a dead ringer for Flo from TV. She used snuff but thought we didn't know. She was very tightly wound. She was with us 2 years I think, but finally had to give up her post due to extreme anxiety and stress. My sister had a habit of running outside naked which caused Ollie to scream. I really didn't like her (Ollie). I must have been about 8 the summer I tried to run over her with my bike. I was totally chagrined as she jumped safely out of the way at the last minute! That was the same summer that my brother and I got into a fight and he dared me to stab him with a steak knife. He even went and got one and handed it to me. (I don't think I really would have done it....but I gave it some serious consideration ). That put her over the edge. She begged my folks to take her to the Greyhound Bus Station.
There were others that were short-lived. The last one I remember was a rotund lady named Katie, who wore her hair in braids wrapped around her head. She liked to chew gum and would s-t-r-e-t-c-h it out about 2 feet in front of her and then pop it back into her mouth over and over . We were fascinated. She didn't work out though, as she had a nasty habit of spitting in the sink and wouldn't do what my mom told her.
Finally I was old enough to be the baby sitter for my little brother who was 12 years younger. I took care of him when my mom taught summer school. I remember he always spit up milk thru his nose... and I can still hear that wee little voice (in my head) wailing.."Gail, come and wipe me!," when he was on the potty. Woohoo!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Little dick
My daughter left me her dog, Biscuit, and cat, Kitty Kitty, this weekend while she and her boyfriend took off to commune with nature at a cabin in the Hocking Hills. I had just gotten a dog myself 4 days previously. His name is Dakota. He is little (20 #) but very quick. Wasn't sure how the dogs would get along... My dog decided to have what I can only describe as a "hump fest "with Biscuit. I must have pulled him off Biscuit at least 50 times the first hour. It was embarassing! Then Biscuit would get fed up and they would fight; then I'd have to separate them again. At times they would play but then the orgy would start again.
I decided that my dog should be nicknamed "little dick".. I was constantly yelling.."Leave him alone you little dick!" I had one rawhide bone that they got into a big tussle over. So I went to the store and bought 6 more. They still fought over them. Dakota stockpiled them and Biscuit took one; it was like World War III broke out! I wanted to cry when I wasn't laughing hysterically.
Meanwhile the cat took up residence on the topmost ledge in the kitchen, watching all the commotion and doggie porn from a safe distance.She stayed there all of Fri. and Sat. But turned up in my bedroom on Sunday and crapped on my bathroom rug just to let me know how she felt about everything.
Thankfully Leslie came home early as their cabin was the cabin from hell. I guess everything that could go wrong did- cobwebs, wasp nests, wet firewood , stagnant water in the paddle boat, etc.,( I tried not to be too happy about all that!) Anyway she picked up her "family" while I was at church. I would love to have had a video of the whole scenario. This is how she described it:
According to her she got in the front door to be greeted by 2 jumping dogs who tried their best to get out as she was coming in. She got in and shut the door. By this time the cat had crawled under my bed as far away as possible. Leslie said she began by extricating the cat. She had to shut herself in the bedroom and crawl under the bed herself and drag out the yowling, squirming animal. After a huge tussle and some scratches she finally got her into the cat carrier! Then to wrangle the dogs.... She managed to cut Biscuit out of the herd and got him into the back seat of her car. She thought she had shut the front door but somehow Dakota nosed it open and ran out. Thankfully he didn't run away but stupidly tried to get into the car himself. So she opened the front door and he hopped in. Then he did his "pinball on steroids" imitation and jumped from front seat to back seat to front seat, etc.,. Les said he was like a "puggle on crack." You get the picture. She finally wrestled him down and out of the car. She referred to him as "Your little wiener" She said " I had your little wiener under my arm and was getting him out of the car when Biscuit got out and I noticed him sitting in the grass. He had a look like-"dare I run away??" " Luckily he was too fascinated by the wrestling match between Les and "my little wiener" and she was able to grab him. She finally got him back into the car and Dakota back into the house and the cat and carrier into the car. She was quite disheveled.
When I got home all was peaceful (like the calm after a tornado) and Dakota was asleep on the couch looking quite innocent. Leslie said " it has been the weekend from hell" and I would tend to agree. I shall be spending the rest of it restoring my house to order.... and washing the bathroom rug.
I decided that my dog should be nicknamed "little dick".. I was constantly yelling.."Leave him alone you little dick!" I had one rawhide bone that they got into a big tussle over. So I went to the store and bought 6 more. They still fought over them. Dakota stockpiled them and Biscuit took one; it was like World War III broke out! I wanted to cry when I wasn't laughing hysterically.
Meanwhile the cat took up residence on the topmost ledge in the kitchen, watching all the commotion and doggie porn from a safe distance.She stayed there all of Fri. and Sat. But turned up in my bedroom on Sunday and crapped on my bathroom rug just to let me know how she felt about everything.
Thankfully Leslie came home early as their cabin was the cabin from hell. I guess everything that could go wrong did- cobwebs, wasp nests, wet firewood , stagnant water in the paddle boat, etc.,( I tried not to be too happy about all that!) Anyway she picked up her "family" while I was at church. I would love to have had a video of the whole scenario. This is how she described it:
According to her she got in the front door to be greeted by 2 jumping dogs who tried their best to get out as she was coming in. She got in and shut the door. By this time the cat had crawled under my bed as far away as possible. Leslie said she began by extricating the cat. She had to shut herself in the bedroom and crawl under the bed herself and drag out the yowling, squirming animal. After a huge tussle and some scratches she finally got her into the cat carrier! Then to wrangle the dogs.... She managed to cut Biscuit out of the herd and got him into the back seat of her car. She thought she had shut the front door but somehow Dakota nosed it open and ran out. Thankfully he didn't run away but stupidly tried to get into the car himself. So she opened the front door and he hopped in. Then he did his "pinball on steroids" imitation and jumped from front seat to back seat to front seat, etc.,. Les said he was like a "puggle on crack." You get the picture. She finally wrestled him down and out of the car. She referred to him as "Your little wiener" She said " I had your little wiener under my arm and was getting him out of the car when Biscuit got out and I noticed him sitting in the grass. He had a look like-"dare I run away??" " Luckily he was too fascinated by the wrestling match between Les and "my little wiener" and she was able to grab him. She finally got him back into the car and Dakota back into the house and the cat and carrier into the car. She was quite disheveled.
When I got home all was peaceful (like the calm after a tornado) and Dakota was asleep on the couch looking quite innocent. Leslie said " it has been the weekend from hell" and I would tend to agree. I shall be spending the rest of it restoring my house to order.... and washing the bathroom rug.
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Colonoscopy- don't try this!
Having a very sensitive gag reflex didn't bode well for me when I was facing my first colonoscopy. I'd seen the gallon of chalky liquid people had to drink in preparation and knew I could never do it. I did some research and found that pills were available. So I asked for them instead, patting myself on the back, thinking I was really smart. ( I'm not really a very good pill taker either, having once INHALED a birth control pill! That was really unpleasant- it burned for hours.)
Anyway I picked up the Rx and found to my dismay 26 chalky pills each the size of TEXAS!! They were too big to swallow. So after much effort I finally managed to break each one in half. So... there they lay.....now 52 pills each about the size of OHIO. The directions sounded simple. Take the first 8 (that would now be 16), then 15 minutes later take 8 (16) more, etc, until they were all taken. Well.......finally got the first set down, one at a time but it took the entire 15 minutes for that to happen1 Time for the next set! Let the gagging begin.. Don't remember if I got them all down- probably not- I've blocked it out of my mind. Never tried the pills again and never will! Bring on the liquid! Won't eat for 2 days before so I'll be so hungry it will be easy to delude myself. I'll chill the stuff and make believe it's a milkshake. Or maybe there will be a new test soon that doesn't require the prep. And definitely a new doc- don't EVER want to wake up in the middle of the procedure again. It was very unpleasant... from beginning to shall we say "the end."
Anyway I picked up the Rx and found to my dismay 26 chalky pills each the size of TEXAS!! They were too big to swallow. So after much effort I finally managed to break each one in half. So... there they lay.....now 52 pills each about the size of OHIO. The directions sounded simple. Take the first 8 (that would now be 16), then 15 minutes later take 8 (16) more, etc, until they were all taken. Well.......finally got the first set down, one at a time but it took the entire 15 minutes for that to happen1 Time for the next set! Let the gagging begin.. Don't remember if I got them all down- probably not- I've blocked it out of my mind. Never tried the pills again and never will! Bring on the liquid! Won't eat for 2 days before so I'll be so hungry it will be easy to delude myself. I'll chill the stuff and make believe it's a milkshake. Or maybe there will be a new test soon that doesn't require the prep. And definitely a new doc- don't EVER want to wake up in the middle of the procedure again. It was very unpleasant... from beginning to shall we say "the end."
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The Zorro Club
School starting= apples for the teacher= this blog!
From ages 5-10 we lived across the street from a large Irish-Catholic family that had 8 kids. It was a very loosely run household. I remember the mom, Rosalie, had bright red hair and spent all of her time sitting in an easy chair working crossword puzzles. Unless someone was dying she never stirred. My brother and I loved to go over because there were no rules! When my mother was at her wits' end with us- which was often- she let us go over.
We all started a club called the Zorro Club. We met in the cellar of their house. Our mascot was a black widow spider that they had found in the cellar, no less. It was dead and was stored in a small baby food jar of alcohol. It was produced at each meeting so we could all go "Ewwww!" The oldest sister was president and got to sit in the coveted old beat up easy chair and hold the macabre jar.
I must say as a group we rated right up there with "The Little Rascals!!"
Among many activities ( most of which we - my brother and I- got in trouble for) was one I remember vividly. It was the beginning of the school year and apples for the teacher were produced, along with poison ivy leaves. I wasn't in school yet but it was my job to rub the poison ivy leaves over the apples for the teachers as I was the only one who did not get poison ivy. So I am ashamed to say I did most of the dastardly deed. To this day I never eat apples given to me by students!!
From ages 5-10 we lived across the street from a large Irish-Catholic family that had 8 kids. It was a very loosely run household. I remember the mom, Rosalie, had bright red hair and spent all of her time sitting in an easy chair working crossword puzzles. Unless someone was dying she never stirred. My brother and I loved to go over because there were no rules! When my mother was at her wits' end with us- which was often- she let us go over.
We all started a club called the Zorro Club. We met in the cellar of their house. Our mascot was a black widow spider that they had found in the cellar, no less. It was dead and was stored in a small baby food jar of alcohol. It was produced at each meeting so we could all go "Ewwww!" The oldest sister was president and got to sit in the coveted old beat up easy chair and hold the macabre jar.
I must say as a group we rated right up there with "The Little Rascals!!"
Among many activities ( most of which we - my brother and I- got in trouble for) was one I remember vividly. It was the beginning of the school year and apples for the teacher were produced, along with poison ivy leaves. I wasn't in school yet but it was my job to rub the poison ivy leaves over the apples for the teachers as I was the only one who did not get poison ivy. So I am ashamed to say I did most of the dastardly deed. To this day I never eat apples given to me by students!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Experiments
Cleaning out the fridge today made me think about various experiments I conducted in my younger years. I've always had a keen interest in science. When I was in grade school my BF at the time and I were the last two stops on the school bus route. So to fill the time we would bring little cups and foil wrapped packets of things we found interesting and would sit in the back of the bus, mixing up crazy concoctions. They usually involved some vinegar and baking soda for excitement. The bus driver had no idea.
Then there was the mold experiment. I had a few dozen baby food jars with various colorful moldy foods. They lived under my bed (until my Mom found them!) I think she sniffed them out.
At another point I experimented burning various foods to see how much carbon was in them. Those also stayed under my bed until my Mom found them. She wondered where the cookie sheets had gone!
Cooking has always been viewed by me as a science experiment rather than an art. I tend to substitute weird things just to see what will happen.( It's usually not a good thing.)
Experimentation led me to become quite adept at drawing bruises using eye shadow. The only time in my life I ever called off work when I wasn't really sick I used this subterfuge. It was one of the worst ideas I ever had!! It was winter time and I said I had fallen on some ice. Then I created " bruises". For the whole next week I had to create eye shadow bruises that gradually changed color and then faded. Everyone was so concerned about me and I felt guilty as hell! It was terrible, terrible, terrible! Being deceitful is a lot of work! Lesson learned the hard way!
Then there was the "mind over matter" episodes. My sister and I were attempting to walk thru walls etc., by using our minds to become one with solid matter so we could ooze thru it. There were a few bruises involved with that- for Becky especially. I can remember hearing the loud thuds from upstairs. She certainly gave it 100% effort!
I attempted to develop a love of science and independence in my daughters. At Christmas from age 12 on- I got them each a tool of some type. The idea was that they would learn to use them and become mechanically adept. When Elaine first found a hammer in her stocking, she cried. A few years later when she had the DVD player laying in a million pieces on the family room floor it all paid off. (She had taken it apart with her tools) She got it all back together with only one screw left over and it worked!
Leslie has repaired her own toilet, taken a microwave apart, and repaired her dryer among other things so I think it was a successful venture.
Still like experimenting!
Then there was the mold experiment. I had a few dozen baby food jars with various colorful moldy foods. They lived under my bed (until my Mom found them!) I think she sniffed them out.
At another point I experimented burning various foods to see how much carbon was in them. Those also stayed under my bed until my Mom found them. She wondered where the cookie sheets had gone!
Cooking has always been viewed by me as a science experiment rather than an art. I tend to substitute weird things just to see what will happen.( It's usually not a good thing.)
Experimentation led me to become quite adept at drawing bruises using eye shadow. The only time in my life I ever called off work when I wasn't really sick I used this subterfuge. It was one of the worst ideas I ever had!! It was winter time and I said I had fallen on some ice. Then I created " bruises". For the whole next week I had to create eye shadow bruises that gradually changed color and then faded. Everyone was so concerned about me and I felt guilty as hell! It was terrible, terrible, terrible! Being deceitful is a lot of work! Lesson learned the hard way!
Then there was the "mind over matter" episodes. My sister and I were attempting to walk thru walls etc., by using our minds to become one with solid matter so we could ooze thru it. There were a few bruises involved with that- for Becky especially. I can remember hearing the loud thuds from upstairs. She certainly gave it 100% effort!
I attempted to develop a love of science and independence in my daughters. At Christmas from age 12 on- I got them each a tool of some type. The idea was that they would learn to use them and become mechanically adept. When Elaine first found a hammer in her stocking, she cried. A few years later when she had the DVD player laying in a million pieces on the family room floor it all paid off. (She had taken it apart with her tools) She got it all back together with only one screw left over and it worked!
Leslie has repaired her own toilet, taken a microwave apart, and repaired her dryer among other things so I think it was a successful venture.
Still like experimenting!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
don't read if easily offended!
Just got back from spending a few days at the hospital with my Mom, who had a bowel obstruction. In other words she was full of crap. I knew right away when I got to the ER which room she was in without being told; I could hear soft laughter wafting from behind the curtain. My family always copes with crisis using levity as a release. My brother was obviously busy entertaining the troops. My turn now. I'm sure the whole family will get LOTS of mileage out of the most recent crisis which was quite painful for my Mom but we were able to take her mind off of the pain for periods of time. :)
Here are my creative alternative methods for alleviating a bowel obstruction: Enjoy!
1. Dinner at Taco Bell
2. Use the "magic gripper"
3. Spray some "PAM"
4. Call Rotorooter
5. Make use of a "plumbers' snake"
6. Carry a small baggie of maggots at all times
7. Visit Jiffy Lube
8. Give the term "having a stick up one's ass" a whole new meaning
9. Make use of the vacuum cleaner hose, followed by the crevice tool.
10. Say a "Yo Momma" joke to a brother and hope they beat the crap out of you.
Here are my creative alternative methods for alleviating a bowel obstruction: Enjoy!
1. Dinner at Taco Bell
2. Use the "magic gripper"
3. Spray some "PAM"
4. Call Rotorooter
5. Make use of a "plumbers' snake"
6. Carry a small baggie of maggots at all times
7. Visit Jiffy Lube
8. Give the term "having a stick up one's ass" a whole new meaning
9. Make use of the vacuum cleaner hose, followed by the crevice tool.
10. Say a "Yo Momma" joke to a brother and hope they beat the crap out of you.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Childhood Games
Just thinking about games people play.... and remembering my childhood games. Played some tag yesterday afternoon at camp with my group of kids. One little boy said, "Wow you sure can run fast!" (Not dead yet!)
Played tag a lot as a kid. Spent a lot of time climbing trees.
My brother and I used to play a game called "What I'd Do to You if I Could". We'd take turns thinking up the most gruesome scenarios like... "I'd take pliers and pull off your fingernails and stuff them up your nostrils..." We tried to outdo each other. I think we were both pretty creative. It actually probably kept us from REALLY killing each other! We played outside for hours.
I, of course, always wanted to play house. He did not. So the compromise was to play house for about 10 minutes and play war the rest of the day. We spent lots of time playing "12 O'Clock High" He always got to be the good guy and I had to be "the Kraut." Hedge apples thrown into wet cowpies made spectacular bombs! We also played "Airline Pilot". My uncle was a flyer and had given us an old helmet. I always had to be the darned copilot or stewardess! HE got to wear the helmet.
Had lots of dolls. My mom used to make LOTS of doll clothes but she was chagrined because she said no matter what, my dolls were always naked. My favorite was "Sweet Sue." She had lost most of her hair and had a permanently dirty face but I loved her.
My own kids -Ben loved magic-spent lots of time in a top hat and cape waving a wand and performing magic tricks. And then there was Star Wars..he was crazy about it.We painted a scene on his bedroom wall.
The girls played "Kings Appliance Store" They always kept binders of "sales", making up people's names and addresses and purchases of refrigerators, etc. Never could figure out the fascination with it! They also played "psychologist" complete with treatment charts. Loved reading them! I remember one had a fictitious guy and it said the problem was "bites himself a lot". They were hilarious.
I had a great childhood- don't ever remember being bored. Even now I 'm never bored ; there's just so much fun stuff to do and learn.....!
Played tag a lot as a kid. Spent a lot of time climbing trees.
My brother and I used to play a game called "What I'd Do to You if I Could". We'd take turns thinking up the most gruesome scenarios like... "I'd take pliers and pull off your fingernails and stuff them up your nostrils..." We tried to outdo each other. I think we were both pretty creative. It actually probably kept us from REALLY killing each other! We played outside for hours.
I, of course, always wanted to play house. He did not. So the compromise was to play house for about 10 minutes and play war the rest of the day. We spent lots of time playing "12 O'Clock High" He always got to be the good guy and I had to be "the Kraut." Hedge apples thrown into wet cowpies made spectacular bombs! We also played "Airline Pilot". My uncle was a flyer and had given us an old helmet. I always had to be the darned copilot or stewardess! HE got to wear the helmet.
Had lots of dolls. My mom used to make LOTS of doll clothes but she was chagrined because she said no matter what, my dolls were always naked. My favorite was "Sweet Sue." She had lost most of her hair and had a permanently dirty face but I loved her.
My own kids -Ben loved magic-spent lots of time in a top hat and cape waving a wand and performing magic tricks. And then there was Star Wars..he was crazy about it.We painted a scene on his bedroom wall.
The girls played "Kings Appliance Store" They always kept binders of "sales", making up people's names and addresses and purchases of refrigerators, etc. Never could figure out the fascination with it! They also played "psychologist" complete with treatment charts. Loved reading them! I remember one had a fictitious guy and it said the problem was "bites himself a lot". They were hilarious.
I had a great childhood- don't ever remember being bored. Even now I 'm never bored ; there's just so much fun stuff to do and learn.....!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Canoe trips
I really would like to block all those canoe trips out of my mind! Driving past Mad River today brought the memories flooding back. First let me state for the record, that I have NO IDEA how to paddle a canoe. Nevertheless I have spent many HOURS doing just that- mainly thanks to friend, Dave.
We used to go on camping trips as a family with his family; our kids were the same age. However, Dave is a gung-ho camping-nature enthusiast who was an Eagle Scout and never lets you forget it. He is also the kind of person who has to wring the absolute MOST out of any trip or adventure.(It is his fault I went on the Magnum at Cedar Point and have never been the same since). Now I can pretty much identify with that aspect of a vacation. Being a type A personality I'm up at the crack of dawn, not wanting to miss a minute of my precious vacation time. My family always hated me because they wanted to SLEEP, can you imagine that?! I say you can sleep at home!
Anyway, we went on many canoe adventures around Ohio together. I have scars on my left hand to prove it- having been run through sharp overhanging tree branches by my illustrous ex-husband who also did not know how to paddle a canoe.( If I hadn't leaned back and covered my eyes I would now be blind!) As it was I dripped blood from my hand the entire trip- lucky there were no pirhannas!
Dave always insisted that we take the LONGEST possible canoe trip offered. I would have been somewhat happy to canoe for an hour- but, no! It was always a 5-6 hour minimum trip. (during which time I constantly felt like throwing up) I don't like floating through water that 1. I don't know how deep it is and 2. can't see what's in it. and 3. haven't a clue what I'm doing.
I remember the first time our oldest kids had their own canoe. They got hung up on a big log at the edge of Mad River. The river was full of obstacles due to a heavy storm prior to our trip. The girls were screaming for help- panicked. I just looked at them sadly as we floated by because we had no idea how to STOP our canoe or how to turn around let alone HELP them. I felt like such a terrible mom. But Dave saved the day.. he and his wife paddled back and extricated them.
The first time we stopped for a potty break in the weeds was interesting.. it was in poison ivy. Luckily I don't get poison ivy but everyone else did!
The time we overturned and I was in mud up to my knees trying to turn the heavy canoe upright I would definitely like to forget. Had a lot of bruises from that one. I also think I cried.
I do recall our Mohican trip with some laughter, though. It was actually a church family camp out. One couple floated by that had never canoed before. The husband was dsylexic and when the wife yelled paddle right he would paddle left. I thought they were going to divorce right in the middle of the river! I distinctly remember another couple floating by and hearing the husband refer to his wife as "lizard lips" It all made me feel so much better.When we did get to the midway point, The wife of the dyslexic husband jumped out of the canoe and insisted that she would walk the 3 miles back. She said she was not getting back into the canoe with him EVER! Me- I always stuck it out to the bitter end! Never wanted to show the white feather in front of the kids. (They love canoeing so I guess I did something right). I'd be open to actually learning to canoe someday! :)
We used to go on camping trips as a family with his family; our kids were the same age. However, Dave is a gung-ho camping-nature enthusiast who was an Eagle Scout and never lets you forget it. He is also the kind of person who has to wring the absolute MOST out of any trip or adventure.(It is his fault I went on the Magnum at Cedar Point and have never been the same since). Now I can pretty much identify with that aspect of a vacation. Being a type A personality I'm up at the crack of dawn, not wanting to miss a minute of my precious vacation time. My family always hated me because they wanted to SLEEP, can you imagine that?! I say you can sleep at home!
Anyway, we went on many canoe adventures around Ohio together. I have scars on my left hand to prove it- having been run through sharp overhanging tree branches by my illustrous ex-husband who also did not know how to paddle a canoe.( If I hadn't leaned back and covered my eyes I would now be blind!) As it was I dripped blood from my hand the entire trip- lucky there were no pirhannas!
Dave always insisted that we take the LONGEST possible canoe trip offered. I would have been somewhat happy to canoe for an hour- but, no! It was always a 5-6 hour minimum trip. (during which time I constantly felt like throwing up) I don't like floating through water that 1. I don't know how deep it is and 2. can't see what's in it. and 3. haven't a clue what I'm doing.
I remember the first time our oldest kids had their own canoe. They got hung up on a big log at the edge of Mad River. The river was full of obstacles due to a heavy storm prior to our trip. The girls were screaming for help- panicked. I just looked at them sadly as we floated by because we had no idea how to STOP our canoe or how to turn around let alone HELP them. I felt like such a terrible mom. But Dave saved the day.. he and his wife paddled back and extricated them.
The first time we stopped for a potty break in the weeds was interesting.. it was in poison ivy. Luckily I don't get poison ivy but everyone else did!
The time we overturned and I was in mud up to my knees trying to turn the heavy canoe upright I would definitely like to forget. Had a lot of bruises from that one. I also think I cried.
I do recall our Mohican trip with some laughter, though. It was actually a church family camp out. One couple floated by that had never canoed before. The husband was dsylexic and when the wife yelled paddle right he would paddle left. I thought they were going to divorce right in the middle of the river! I distinctly remember another couple floating by and hearing the husband refer to his wife as "lizard lips" It all made me feel so much better.When we did get to the midway point, The wife of the dyslexic husband jumped out of the canoe and insisted that she would walk the 3 miles back. She said she was not getting back into the canoe with him EVER! Me- I always stuck it out to the bitter end! Never wanted to show the white feather in front of the kids. (They love canoeing so I guess I did something right). I'd be open to actually learning to canoe someday! :)
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thinking back over my teaching career. Could write a lot about that. Here's some of the funniest stuff that pops into mind right now.....
Once was demonstrating the potter's wheel to a class of 5th graders. The pot got too wet and suddenly launched itself off the wheel, hit me in the chest, and proceeded to slowly slither down my skirt and plop into the floor. There was dead silence. Then one little boy piped up, "Could you do that again?!"
Another time I was demonstrating stitchery on a piece of burlap and ended up sewing it to the front of my blouse.. I always managed to keep the kids interested!
Then there was the time a little boy threw up on my feet. It filled my shoes. I have never forgotten him! I felt sorry for him (and me) but I couldn't stop laughing.
The time I forgot to tighten the lid on the orange paint before shaking it was pretty good, too. The lid flew off and I was drenched from head to toe in orange. A class came in and sat down in their seats and nobody said a word. I was laughing hysterically and said, "does anyone notice anything??" Finally a child said, "Are you supposed to be orange?"
Had written a simulation years ago for an economics unit. The 5th graders formed companies and "bought" recycled materials from me that they then had to turn into some type of product and sell to 4th graders at recess time.( we used play money) They had to market as well as produce their items. So they set up displays they had created, on the playground. The company that sold the most won. Anyway it was great fun. Overheard some 4th graders talking about going to the "mall" at recess time
Used to reward kids for recycling newspaper, cardboard tubes, etc. Once a little boy brought in a bag with newspapers on top.. I took it and heaved it upside down onto the counter and it was filled with eggshells, talcum powder, fruit rinds, etc., etc. He had picked up the garbage on his way out the door that morning!
Early in my career I learned that young children are quite literal and do not respond well to sarcasm. I had a class of very squirrelly kindergarteners who were doing object printing with paint at stations around the room. They kept spilling paint, dropping wet objects in the floor and dropping their papers paint side down in the floor. I got frustrated, and said "Why don't you all stop and just walk through the paint!?" Damned if they didn't do exactly that! I was so surprised-learned a BIG lesson that day. Oh.. and NEVER ask a child what something is..(it can cause them to cry). instead say.."Tell me about your artwork!"
Once was demonstrating the potter's wheel to a class of 5th graders. The pot got too wet and suddenly launched itself off the wheel, hit me in the chest, and proceeded to slowly slither down my skirt and plop into the floor. There was dead silence. Then one little boy piped up, "Could you do that again?!"
Another time I was demonstrating stitchery on a piece of burlap and ended up sewing it to the front of my blouse.. I always managed to keep the kids interested!
Then there was the time a little boy threw up on my feet. It filled my shoes. I have never forgotten him! I felt sorry for him (and me) but I couldn't stop laughing.
The time I forgot to tighten the lid on the orange paint before shaking it was pretty good, too. The lid flew off and I was drenched from head to toe in orange. A class came in and sat down in their seats and nobody said a word. I was laughing hysterically and said, "does anyone notice anything??" Finally a child said, "Are you supposed to be orange?"
Had written a simulation years ago for an economics unit. The 5th graders formed companies and "bought" recycled materials from me that they then had to turn into some type of product and sell to 4th graders at recess time.( we used play money) They had to market as well as produce their items. So they set up displays they had created, on the playground. The company that sold the most won. Anyway it was great fun. Overheard some 4th graders talking about going to the "mall" at recess time
Used to reward kids for recycling newspaper, cardboard tubes, etc. Once a little boy brought in a bag with newspapers on top.. I took it and heaved it upside down onto the counter and it was filled with eggshells, talcum powder, fruit rinds, etc., etc. He had picked up the garbage on his way out the door that morning!
Early in my career I learned that young children are quite literal and do not respond well to sarcasm. I had a class of very squirrelly kindergarteners who were doing object printing with paint at stations around the room. They kept spilling paint, dropping wet objects in the floor and dropping their papers paint side down in the floor. I got frustrated, and said "Why don't you all stop and just walk through the paint!?" Damned if they didn't do exactly that! I was so surprised-learned a BIG lesson that day. Oh.. and NEVER ask a child what something is..(it can cause them to cry). instead say.."Tell me about your artwork!"
Monday, July 11, 2011
Hole(s) in One
My limited experience with piercings began with my daughters. They were desperate to get their ears pierced when they were in grade school. The summer their cousin got married in Vail we drove out to Colorado in our Sienna van (which they always referred to as the "egg"- due to its shape). As usual they began their typical road trip quarreling. So I bribed them. I told them they could get their ears pierced when we got home if I didn't hear a peep out of them for the rest of the trip. It worked like a charm! Best trip we ever had! Not usually into bribing but that time was worth it. It was a long trip- but exceedingly pleasant.
I had my ears pierced once but gave up on it because I got impatient with the healing process. Just got them repierced today.
I am a regular Red Cross blood donor. In fact I am into competitive donating! I have given over 15 gallons over the years- mostly thru frequent platelet donations. Since you are deferred from giving for some time after piercings or tatoos I never had any. But now I am deferred for a year anyway ( after being in Nicaragua) so I decided it would be a good time to be holy in a different way.
I remember when my younger daughter was in high school. She went on a trip to Florida with a friend's family. She called me one evening and told me she had gotten her belly button pierced and asked me if I was mad. I just started laughing which really surprised her I guess, but what's the point of getting mad about something that's already done?! Come to find out she had had it done the month before in Columbus- just waited until she was cross country to let me know, so I could defuse if necessary before she got home..(She was always a step ahead of me!) She's also the one who got her nose pierced in college. Guess my son in law had his tongue pierced in high school- it's hard to imagine now. At the time he said he was taking Chinese and had the best pronunciation in class due to the piercing. :)
Aminah Robinson (Columbus artist) has the most and best piercings I have ever seen.- almost too many to count- but definitely fascinating.
Would you say that a preacher with lots of piercings is "holier than thou?"
I had my ears pierced once but gave up on it because I got impatient with the healing process. Just got them repierced today.
I am a regular Red Cross blood donor. In fact I am into competitive donating! I have given over 15 gallons over the years- mostly thru frequent platelet donations. Since you are deferred from giving for some time after piercings or tatoos I never had any. But now I am deferred for a year anyway ( after being in Nicaragua) so I decided it would be a good time to be holy in a different way.
I remember when my younger daughter was in high school. She went on a trip to Florida with a friend's family. She called me one evening and told me she had gotten her belly button pierced and asked me if I was mad. I just started laughing which really surprised her I guess, but what's the point of getting mad about something that's already done?! Come to find out she had had it done the month before in Columbus- just waited until she was cross country to let me know, so I could defuse if necessary before she got home..(She was always a step ahead of me!) She's also the one who got her nose pierced in college. Guess my son in law had his tongue pierced in high school- it's hard to imagine now. At the time he said he was taking Chinese and had the best pronunciation in class due to the piercing. :)
Aminah Robinson (Columbus artist) has the most and best piercings I have ever seen.- almost too many to count- but definitely fascinating.
Would you say that a preacher with lots of piercings is "holier than thou?"
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Careers
Interesting thinking about what careers were of interest growing up. My number one was archeologist. Why?
I loved to dig in the dirt. I used to collect cherry pits that I dug out of bird crap. Had quite a collection. Another collection was rocks. I had shoeboxes of rocks under my bed. Spent a summer with my grandparents in Kentucky and spent most of the time collecting the best rocks ever from beside the creek. I can remember the look on my Dad's face when I started hauling them (box after box) out to the car in preparation for returning home. I actually had a small family of rocks that lived in my pocket for some time. I had drawn faces on them and dressed them in bits of kleenex.(I've never been at a loss for entertainment)
Science has always interested me. Used to collect various spices, vinegar, etc from the kitchen and make potions. (this is why I can't cook) . For a time I also had quite a nasty collection of wonderful, colorful molds growing in baby food jars. This was also under my bed. It got a bit crowded under there!
When I was about 9 or so, I decided to become a nun- never mind that I wasn't Catholic. I had read "The Nun's Story" and it affected me greatly. I used to practice wearing a wimple I made out of a t shirt.
In junior high I was going to be a writer. I wrote many stories which entertained my class mates. Sent some of them off to Mad Magazine- "Hymie and the Underworld" and "Nuseth Erutearc, the Sun Creature" to name a few. (All were rejected to my dismay)
In high school the plan was to be a phys ed. teacher. I loved and played all sports and helped with the jr. high classes. I was quite a jock. Played varsity volleyball, basketball and softball.
When I went to college I actually planned to be a biochemist and was in pre med.. That didn't last long as I kept reaching across the Bunsen burner in lab- had a perpetually burned hairless spot on my arm all the time. I found I pretty much hated chemistry even though I loved biology.
Always drew pictures but was never encouraged in art because everyone thought it was a waste of my time. Sold pencil portaits of Alfred E. Newman in 7th grade for 10 cents apiece. It was a booming little business. Also some interesting caricatures of my teachers. Took an art course in college and never looked back- it was my calling. I fit right in with all the creative types. And teaching was second nature. I've always understood kids. Always loved it when younger students would ask me things like "What are you going to be when you grow up, Mrs. Paulus?" The jury is still out on that one! So glad I found a career that I loved and continue to love!
I loved to dig in the dirt. I used to collect cherry pits that I dug out of bird crap. Had quite a collection. Another collection was rocks. I had shoeboxes of rocks under my bed. Spent a summer with my grandparents in Kentucky and spent most of the time collecting the best rocks ever from beside the creek. I can remember the look on my Dad's face when I started hauling them (box after box) out to the car in preparation for returning home. I actually had a small family of rocks that lived in my pocket for some time. I had drawn faces on them and dressed them in bits of kleenex.(I've never been at a loss for entertainment)
Science has always interested me. Used to collect various spices, vinegar, etc from the kitchen and make potions. (this is why I can't cook) . For a time I also had quite a nasty collection of wonderful, colorful molds growing in baby food jars. This was also under my bed. It got a bit crowded under there!
When I was about 9 or so, I decided to become a nun- never mind that I wasn't Catholic. I had read "The Nun's Story" and it affected me greatly. I used to practice wearing a wimple I made out of a t shirt.
In junior high I was going to be a writer. I wrote many stories which entertained my class mates. Sent some of them off to Mad Magazine- "Hymie and the Underworld" and "Nuseth Erutearc, the Sun Creature" to name a few. (All were rejected to my dismay)
In high school the plan was to be a phys ed. teacher. I loved and played all sports and helped with the jr. high classes. I was quite a jock. Played varsity volleyball, basketball and softball.
When I went to college I actually planned to be a biochemist and was in pre med.. That didn't last long as I kept reaching across the Bunsen burner in lab- had a perpetually burned hairless spot on my arm all the time. I found I pretty much hated chemistry even though I loved biology.
Always drew pictures but was never encouraged in art because everyone thought it was a waste of my time. Sold pencil portaits of Alfred E. Newman in 7th grade for 10 cents apiece. It was a booming little business. Also some interesting caricatures of my teachers. Took an art course in college and never looked back- it was my calling. I fit right in with all the creative types. And teaching was second nature. I've always understood kids. Always loved it when younger students would ask me things like "What are you going to be when you grow up, Mrs. Paulus?" The jury is still out on that one! So glad I found a career that I loved and continue to love!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
EEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anything with more than four legs really creeps me out! I've always been like that. I still run screaming when I see a wasp, bumblebee, spider, etc. I particularly detest spiders. If there is a spider in the vicinity that is left alone I can just about guarantee that it is planning to bite me later. (Have had lots of spider bites.)
As the girls were growing up I tried to be a good mom and stay involved with them . That entailed becoming a Girl Scout Leader. There were 3 leaders in the troop. I quickly became the "craft" person; the other 2 were gung- ho campers. For me it was "Girl Scout Hell." Our first camping experience took place at Blendon Woods Day Camp- a third grade overnite in regulation GSA tents( no bottoms). It must have been 95 degrees and SO humid. During the day the tents filled up with hundreds of daddy long legs. I wanted to sneak off and sleep in the van SO BAD! But, trying to be a good example, I finally collapsed on my sleeping bag with my flashlight under my chin with my set of girls, pretending to be brave! I was so tired finally I just layed there and watched the daddy long legs and other bugs crawling across the girls. I think it's the closest I've ever come to losing my mind. It was the most horrible night! Other subsequent camping trips were just as bad- wolf spiders in the platform tents, spiders and moths in the cabins. Laying there in the dark imagining what might be crawling across my sleeping bag, or lurking in the corners. My trusty flashlight always right under my chin -praying that the batteries wouldn't give out before morning- and eyes wide open until I'd become too exhausted to stay awake!
On the recent trip to Nicaragua during devotions one evening a bug flew down my top and ended up in my bra. It took ALL the SELF CONTROL I could muster not to strip in front of the whole group! But I was very proud of myself. I quietly got up and went back to the bedroom and removed it and hardly anybody was the wiser.
Killing spiders and bugs is a delicate operation for me. I can't get too close ( they might jump on me!) so my weapons of choice are the broom and the vacuum cleaner. That way I can attack from some distance.( I usually duct tape the end of the vacuum hose for a few days just to be sure the spider doesn't crawl back out). Unfortunately this is not a stealth process. Most people who know me smile and say, "must be a bug or spider !"when they hear my bloodcurdling screams.
As the girls were growing up I tried to be a good mom and stay involved with them . That entailed becoming a Girl Scout Leader. There were 3 leaders in the troop. I quickly became the "craft" person; the other 2 were gung- ho campers. For me it was "Girl Scout Hell." Our first camping experience took place at Blendon Woods Day Camp- a third grade overnite in regulation GSA tents( no bottoms). It must have been 95 degrees and SO humid. During the day the tents filled up with hundreds of daddy long legs. I wanted to sneak off and sleep in the van SO BAD! But, trying to be a good example, I finally collapsed on my sleeping bag with my flashlight under my chin with my set of girls, pretending to be brave! I was so tired finally I just layed there and watched the daddy long legs and other bugs crawling across the girls. I think it's the closest I've ever come to losing my mind. It was the most horrible night! Other subsequent camping trips were just as bad- wolf spiders in the platform tents, spiders and moths in the cabins. Laying there in the dark imagining what might be crawling across my sleeping bag, or lurking in the corners. My trusty flashlight always right under my chin -praying that the batteries wouldn't give out before morning- and eyes wide open until I'd become too exhausted to stay awake!
On the recent trip to Nicaragua during devotions one evening a bug flew down my top and ended up in my bra. It took ALL the SELF CONTROL I could muster not to strip in front of the whole group! But I was very proud of myself. I quietly got up and went back to the bedroom and removed it and hardly anybody was the wiser.
Killing spiders and bugs is a delicate operation for me. I can't get too close ( they might jump on me!) so my weapons of choice are the broom and the vacuum cleaner. That way I can attack from some distance.( I usually duct tape the end of the vacuum hose for a few days just to be sure the spider doesn't crawl back out). Unfortunately this is not a stealth process. Most people who know me smile and say, "must be a bug or spider !"when they hear my bloodcurdling screams.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Eat that, not this!
OK. I confess. I really CAN cook. It's just that I have major disasters due to lack of focus. There are so many things I'd rather be doing! Like going to the dentist or having a mammogram. I tend to start cooking and then forget that something is in or on the stove until it's too late. The kids always thought the smoke alarm was the dinner bell.
The first thing I ever made was a cake. I remember my Dad trying to cut it; he finally had to break off a chunk against the edge of the table. And once my Mom had the flu and gave me directions for dinner. "Roll the chicken in crushed corn flakes and bake it for 45 minutes," she told me. NEVER did she say anything about cutting it up! I confess it was difficult to roll a whole chicken in cornflakes but I gotherdone! When the chicken bled at it's first cut, Dad pushed back his plate and left the table.
I pretty much got religion thru the kitchen. Our minister came over to visit when I was 10. I had burned a bunch of cookies (was busy reading a book). He insisted on eating some anyway. "I like burned cookies" he told me. I was so impressed that I started actually listening to his sermons.
Speaking of minister's visits I'll never forget having the minister over for dinner soon after Elaine was born..fixed some kind of beef on the grill and it just wouldn't get done. Slapped it on some buns and it kept bleeding all over the plate. It was one hot mess. I was embarassed but tried to make light of the situation by saying things like "Moooo....guess it's still alive!" or "I should take this back to the barn." He and his wife never cracked a smile. It was horrible!!
Potlucks at work...mine was always the dish left over. Didn't know chicken noodle soup could turn gray. Everything I made always looked like roadkill.
I was responsible for fixing dinner every evening as a teenager when I got home from school as I usually got home an hour or so before Mom..(she was a teacher) Most of those meals were pretty darn good. And my kids always loved my creamed turkey on biscuits. Actually represented Mongomery County at the Ohio State Fair for "Yeast Breads" as a 4-H member one year. So the potential is there ........
The first thing I ever made was a cake. I remember my Dad trying to cut it; he finally had to break off a chunk against the edge of the table. And once my Mom had the flu and gave me directions for dinner. "Roll the chicken in crushed corn flakes and bake it for 45 minutes," she told me. NEVER did she say anything about cutting it up! I confess it was difficult to roll a whole chicken in cornflakes but I gotherdone! When the chicken bled at it's first cut, Dad pushed back his plate and left the table.
I pretty much got religion thru the kitchen. Our minister came over to visit when I was 10. I had burned a bunch of cookies (was busy reading a book). He insisted on eating some anyway. "I like burned cookies" he told me. I was so impressed that I started actually listening to his sermons.
Speaking of minister's visits I'll never forget having the minister over for dinner soon after Elaine was born..fixed some kind of beef on the grill and it just wouldn't get done. Slapped it on some buns and it kept bleeding all over the plate. It was one hot mess. I was embarassed but tried to make light of the situation by saying things like "Moooo....guess it's still alive!" or "I should take this back to the barn." He and his wife never cracked a smile. It was horrible!!
Potlucks at work...mine was always the dish left over. Didn't know chicken noodle soup could turn gray. Everything I made always looked like roadkill.
I was responsible for fixing dinner every evening as a teenager when I got home from school as I usually got home an hour or so before Mom..(she was a teacher) Most of those meals were pretty darn good. And my kids always loved my creamed turkey on biscuits. Actually represented Mongomery County at the Ohio State Fair for "Yeast Breads" as a 4-H member one year. So the potential is there ........
Monday, June 27, 2011
Welcome to my "potty"
On the way to the pool this morning Sunny 95 was asking for callers to tell about when their children developed "potty" mouth and how it was dealt with. Seems like a good topic.....
Being a somewhat aggressive driver, I was both shocked and ashamed one morning on the way to the sitter's to hear a wee little voice from the depths of the baby seat say, "F- ing idiot! F-ing idiot!. Wow. Practically her first words. How embarassing. But I knew if I acted horrified it would just get repeated again and again. So- I said a prayer that Elaine would FORGET about it and I cleaned up my driving language to "idiotic pea-brained turkey". Luckily it never happened again.
However, looking back at her baby calendar there is an entry that says, "she says damn a lot!"
The girls used to do a tag team- one would say "sh", then the other would say, "it!" They would get going really fast with obvious results. Then they would both grin at me and say ,"we're not doing anything bad, Mom!" Creative kids. They also loved to have conversations about Hoover "damn"- again asssuring me that
they were not saying anything bad!
Had a relapse several years back- took Les and her friend, Alison, to Pickerington to a viewing for a former classmate of theirs who had passed away. Coming back it was dark, rainy, and I was upset, and unfamiliar with the area. There weren't any speed limit signs so I decided to drive 40; that way if the speed limit was 45 I wasn't too slow and if it was 35 I was doing my normal... Some guy was right on my tail. It was only 2 lanes. Eventually we reached a point where the road became 4 lanes and he pulled up beside me at a light. He motioned for me to roll down my window; I thought he wanted directions or something. Instead he says, really snotty, "Can you drive any slower!?" I think it really surprised him when I said, "how would you like for me to knock the s*ht out of you you f-ing a-hole"?? I don't know what came over me, I really don't. He took off and stayed far away from me! I immediately apologized to Alison, who said 'It's ok, Mrs P, my Mom does it all the time.!" Hmmm....sorry for the expose, Kim!
Being a somewhat aggressive driver, I was both shocked and ashamed one morning on the way to the sitter's to hear a wee little voice from the depths of the baby seat say, "F- ing idiot! F-ing idiot!. Wow. Practically her first words. How embarassing. But I knew if I acted horrified it would just get repeated again and again. So- I said a prayer that Elaine would FORGET about it and I cleaned up my driving language to "idiotic pea-brained turkey". Luckily it never happened again.
However, looking back at her baby calendar there is an entry that says, "she says damn a lot!"
The girls used to do a tag team- one would say "sh", then the other would say, "it!" They would get going really fast with obvious results. Then they would both grin at me and say ,"we're not doing anything bad, Mom!" Creative kids. They also loved to have conversations about Hoover "damn"- again asssuring me that
they were not saying anything bad!
Had a relapse several years back- took Les and her friend, Alison, to Pickerington to a viewing for a former classmate of theirs who had passed away. Coming back it was dark, rainy, and I was upset, and unfamiliar with the area. There weren't any speed limit signs so I decided to drive 40; that way if the speed limit was 45 I wasn't too slow and if it was 35 I was doing my normal... Some guy was right on my tail. It was only 2 lanes. Eventually we reached a point where the road became 4 lanes and he pulled up beside me at a light. He motioned for me to roll down my window; I thought he wanted directions or something. Instead he says, really snotty, "Can you drive any slower!?" I think it really surprised him when I said, "how would you like for me to knock the s*ht out of you you f-ing a-hole"?? I don't know what came over me, I really don't. He took off and stayed far away from me! I immediately apologized to Alison, who said 'It's ok, Mrs P, my Mom does it all the time.!" Hmmm....sorry for the expose, Kim!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Curiosity
I've always been interested in just about EVERYTHING. Had lofty goals as a kid- like attempting to read every book in our local library and reading the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica. Made a pretty good dent at the library but got really bogged down with the encyclopedia- didn't get past Vol. I.
Once tried the phone directory. Couldn't figure out why there were so many guys named Jas, Thos, and Chas in there and I had never met anyone with those names!
At an early age, like most 5 year olds, I was curious about the opposite sex. I knew my brother, aged 7, was different somehow. We made an appointment to meet out in the field next to our house and have a "show and tell." What an exciting opportunity! I had to go first and gave my brother a peek. About that time my Mom came looking for us, somehow sensing that something was up. We got in BIG trouble and darn it! I never did get to see HIM! So thanks to the good old encyclopedia, I thought guy's private parts looked like fig leaves for many years! (The only pictures I could find were of Greek statues)
Once tried the phone directory. Couldn't figure out why there were so many guys named Jas, Thos, and Chas in there and I had never met anyone with those names!
At an early age, like most 5 year olds, I was curious about the opposite sex. I knew my brother, aged 7, was different somehow. We made an appointment to meet out in the field next to our house and have a "show and tell." What an exciting opportunity! I had to go first and gave my brother a peek. About that time my Mom came looking for us, somehow sensing that something was up. We got in BIG trouble and darn it! I never did get to see HIM! So thanks to the good old encyclopedia, I thought guy's private parts looked like fig leaves for many years! (The only pictures I could find were of Greek statues)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Think of all the starving children....
Topic at lunch today.... how our parents made us eat everything on our plates AND try some of everything!
This was a sensitive topic for me..I always hated being told what to do and found every way possible to out think the 'rents. We were always told. "Think of the starving children in the world who would be happy to have what you have." "Yeah," I'd always think, "I'd gladly give it to them!"
I particularly HATED peas, beets, lima beans and most dreaded..sweet potatoes! Of those I now only like peas- still hate the others! As far as I'm concerned beets are only good for dye, and lima beans are like little sand bags; so use them to build little levees. Sweet potatoes make me want to puke but they do make nice houseplants.
As a kid we had to remain at the table until we had eaten 2 bites of EVERYTHING. Of course I tried waiting it out. I can't tell you how many hours I actually spent at the table staring at sweet potatoes. But my parents were really hard asses about it. It was quite the control struggle. So eventually I had to try other tactics. Like pretending to eat a bite and letting it sneakily drop to the floor under the table. Well of course my Mom found it; I don't think I had thought that one out too well. Eventually I found that if I waited til the dreaded food was the last on my plate , I could stuff it all in my mouth- then act like I was going back outside to play. Then I would find a likely spot, dig a little hole, spit it out and bury it! That worked most of the time. Going directly to the bath room to spit it out would have been a red flag, unfortunately. There's still something about the taste of sweet potatoes that just makes me ill.
As a parent myself, I vowed never to put my kids through that. It seemed so silly and such a waste of time- not one of those battles worth fighting. Then having a child on chemotherapy for 2 1/2 years gives it a whole different perspective. You literally feed them ANYTHING that sounds good to them! If they don't want to eat someting you let it go.....and to be fair you do the same for your other children; it's just easier.
BTW putting the aspirin between 2 slices of bread (at age 8) while in theory a good idea, did not in all practicality work out. Thought I would never know when I ate it.... Bit right into it!
This was a sensitive topic for me..I always hated being told what to do and found every way possible to out think the 'rents. We were always told. "Think of the starving children in the world who would be happy to have what you have." "Yeah," I'd always think, "I'd gladly give it to them!"
I particularly HATED peas, beets, lima beans and most dreaded..sweet potatoes! Of those I now only like peas- still hate the others! As far as I'm concerned beets are only good for dye, and lima beans are like little sand bags; so use them to build little levees. Sweet potatoes make me want to puke but they do make nice houseplants.
As a kid we had to remain at the table until we had eaten 2 bites of EVERYTHING. Of course I tried waiting it out. I can't tell you how many hours I actually spent at the table staring at sweet potatoes. But my parents were really hard asses about it. It was quite the control struggle. So eventually I had to try other tactics. Like pretending to eat a bite and letting it sneakily drop to the floor under the table. Well of course my Mom found it; I don't think I had thought that one out too well. Eventually I found that if I waited til the dreaded food was the last on my plate , I could stuff it all in my mouth- then act like I was going back outside to play. Then I would find a likely spot, dig a little hole, spit it out and bury it! That worked most of the time. Going directly to the bath room to spit it out would have been a red flag, unfortunately. There's still something about the taste of sweet potatoes that just makes me ill.
As a parent myself, I vowed never to put my kids through that. It seemed so silly and such a waste of time- not one of those battles worth fighting. Then having a child on chemotherapy for 2 1/2 years gives it a whole different perspective. You literally feed them ANYTHING that sounds good to them! If they don't want to eat someting you let it go.....and to be fair you do the same for your other children; it's just easier.
BTW putting the aspirin between 2 slices of bread (at age 8) while in theory a good idea, did not in all practicality work out. Thought I would never know when I ate it.... Bit right into it!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Christmas With the Fruitcakes
Thinking about a typical extended family Christmas party. LOTS of laughs!! In my family it's always a friendly competition to see who can get the best Christmas gifts for the least amount of money.( I think it's that bit of Jewish heritage from the Golden side of the family. My Grandma would have been proud even though the rest of us are Baptists and Methodists).
I personally pride myself on my ability to find a bargain. I have the reputation of being the "Coupon Queen" of the family. I don't usually buy ANYTHING without a coupon. Give me a Macy's One Day Sale where clearance is an additional 50% off AND there are $10 coupons off $25 purchases, and I can make a killing. I usually don't pay anything because I generally earn a $25 Macy's card each month as part of an online marketing survey group.
Anyway here's a typical family Christmas conversation:
Me.."I only paid $3 for that sweater I got you!"
My brother, .."Well, I got your gift by sitting through a time share presentation! Didn't pay anything for it just took a little time." (Aside-That was probably where the steak knife came from that broke in half in the quiche I made)
My sister, .."I've got you all beat! That new book came from the Thrift Store. I got it on "Dollar -a Bag- Day so it only cost 12 1/2 cents.. and I was in and out in 15 minutes!"
"Damn!," my brother and I say in unison.
But the best are the gag gifts. We scour garage sales, etc, looking for the perfect item for our contribution. Last year I'm ashamed to say while helping mom clean old clothes out of the guest room I found an old jock strap that had been my Dad's- probably about 40 years old- "perfect!" I thought. My older daughter ended up with it and was horrified! It was wonderful!
I personally pride myself on my ability to find a bargain. I have the reputation of being the "Coupon Queen" of the family. I don't usually buy ANYTHING without a coupon. Give me a Macy's One Day Sale where clearance is an additional 50% off AND there are $10 coupons off $25 purchases, and I can make a killing. I usually don't pay anything because I generally earn a $25 Macy's card each month as part of an online marketing survey group.
Anyway here's a typical family Christmas conversation:
Me.."I only paid $3 for that sweater I got you!"
My brother, .."Well, I got your gift by sitting through a time share presentation! Didn't pay anything for it just took a little time." (Aside-That was probably where the steak knife came from that broke in half in the quiche I made)
My sister, .."I've got you all beat! That new book came from the Thrift Store. I got it on "Dollar -a Bag- Day so it only cost 12 1/2 cents.. and I was in and out in 15 minutes!"
"Damn!," my brother and I say in unison.
But the best are the gag gifts. We scour garage sales, etc, looking for the perfect item for our contribution. Last year I'm ashamed to say while helping mom clean old clothes out of the guest room I found an old jock strap that had been my Dad's- probably about 40 years old- "perfect!" I thought. My older daughter ended up with it and was horrified! It was wonderful!
Friday, June 17, 2011
My first car
Thinking about my first car today, for some reason. It was a powder blue (old) Ford Falcon that my Dad sold me for $1 so I could do my student teaching.Taught at Eastmoor Jr. High in the AM, and Bexley Elementaries in the PM. Had some interesting experiences with that car....
I hated student teaching! I can't tell you how many times I shut the car door on my left foot because I was in such a hurry to leave!
There was the morning I was driving to school and the gearshift lever ( it was on the column) came out in my hand in the middle of James and Livingston at rush hour. I found that I was able to get the car to "hop" if I held it in place. So.. I "hopped" it to school. Would have made a good Youtube video! Found that a pin had fallen out and was able to get it repaired.
The funniest thing happened several months later. I had graduated and was substitute teaching for Cols Public. I had been requested at Buckeye Jr. High on Parsons Ave. It was dark, and of course rush hour. At the time Parsons was only 2 lanes-extremely congested both directions. Well.. the car got stuck in first gear. I pulled over to ponder the situation.It was in a scary area next to a bunch of bars and weird people were staring at me. I was about 2 miles from the school... So I decided to go ahead and drive to school... It was the longest 2 miles of my life. Sometimes if I really floored it I could get the car to go up to 7 miles per hour! I have never heard such honking and cursing. Nobody could pass me due to the traffic. So I just put my car in first gear and my mind in neutral and got to school. Called a tow truck which of course arrived and blocked the drive just as the busses were trying to unload ! They never requested me again. :(
And lesson learned:. always wear a bra while driving! You never know when your muffler will fall off!! This happened to me and I immediately got stopped by a patrolman. He made me leave the car because it was too noisy and walk to a gas station to get it towed. Don't know WHY I wasn't wearing a bra, but being somewhat amply endowed it was very embarassing ; it scarred me mentally for life!
Had my first accident in that car- ran into another car in a parking lot. Drove the Falcon for several years until the brakes froze up on it. Replaced that car with a gold Ford Fairlane . The seat had rusted loose from the floor. You could see the road through the floor, and when you tried to brake the seat would slide back and forth. You had to brake VERY CAREFULLY!
I hated student teaching! I can't tell you how many times I shut the car door on my left foot because I was in such a hurry to leave!
There was the morning I was driving to school and the gearshift lever ( it was on the column) came out in my hand in the middle of James and Livingston at rush hour. I found that I was able to get the car to "hop" if I held it in place. So.. I "hopped" it to school. Would have made a good Youtube video! Found that a pin had fallen out and was able to get it repaired.
The funniest thing happened several months later. I had graduated and was substitute teaching for Cols Public. I had been requested at Buckeye Jr. High on Parsons Ave. It was dark, and of course rush hour. At the time Parsons was only 2 lanes-extremely congested both directions. Well.. the car got stuck in first gear. I pulled over to ponder the situation.It was in a scary area next to a bunch of bars and weird people were staring at me. I was about 2 miles from the school... So I decided to go ahead and drive to school... It was the longest 2 miles of my life. Sometimes if I really floored it I could get the car to go up to 7 miles per hour! I have never heard such honking and cursing. Nobody could pass me due to the traffic. So I just put my car in first gear and my mind in neutral and got to school. Called a tow truck which of course arrived and blocked the drive just as the busses were trying to unload ! They never requested me again. :(
And lesson learned:. always wear a bra while driving! You never know when your muffler will fall off!! This happened to me and I immediately got stopped by a patrolman. He made me leave the car because it was too noisy and walk to a gas station to get it towed. Don't know WHY I wasn't wearing a bra, but being somewhat amply endowed it was very embarassing ; it scarred me mentally for life!
Had my first accident in that car- ran into another car in a parking lot. Drove the Falcon for several years until the brakes froze up on it. Replaced that car with a gold Ford Fairlane . The seat had rusted loose from the floor. You could see the road through the floor, and when you tried to brake the seat would slide back and forth. You had to brake VERY CAREFULLY!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Discipline
While spending time with art teaching buddies today one of the topics that came up was discipline- and dealing with unruly kids. Also.. all the ludicrous mandates that teachers have to follow.
I particularly remember the nurse distributing a little baggy to each of us teachers that contained latex gloves and bandaids. We were instructed to carry this with us at all times during playground duty ( protection against HIV in the event of dealing with a bloody injury) Well, I for one always kept it in my coat pocket- one of the few who even remembered it! I got teased mercilessly about it by the other special teachers who accused me of doing proctology exams on unruly students on the playground. When I retired they blew up latex gloves and hung them from the ceiling in the teachers' lounge in memory. :)
There were also hanging pencils. I was not allowed to have pencils. Here's why...One of my fifth graders had mouthed off to me and I (gently) tapped him on the head with a pencil (eraser end) and told him to do what I told him. Guess he went home and told his Dad I beat him over the head with the pointed end of a pencil! and we all know kids never lie ... Had to explain that one! My friends never let me live it down - it was always "watch out she's got a pencil" or "better take that away from her!"
Only paddled 2 kids in 30 years- not that I wanted to, but it seemed the only thing that might make an impression. One was a little boy who insisted on crawling around under the tables while I was trying to give directions.I warned him several times to no avail. The other was a little boy who was rolling up balls of clay and concealing them (or so he thought) in his socks. He looked quite lumpy. I wouldn't have paddled him but he just didn't seem to get the idea that stealing was wrong. Hopefully it was the right thing at the time- never had those problems from those children again, anyway..
My best memory though is of a 1st grader on the first day of school during lunch recess.( Students who got in trouble in their classroom often had to stand against the wall during their recess.) I had playground duty and found this 1st grader standing by the building, sobbing. I asked him what was wrong.. He said "my teacher told me to get on the wall and I don't know how!"
I particularly remember the nurse distributing a little baggy to each of us teachers that contained latex gloves and bandaids. We were instructed to carry this with us at all times during playground duty ( protection against HIV in the event of dealing with a bloody injury) Well, I for one always kept it in my coat pocket- one of the few who even remembered it! I got teased mercilessly about it by the other special teachers who accused me of doing proctology exams on unruly students on the playground. When I retired they blew up latex gloves and hung them from the ceiling in the teachers' lounge in memory. :)
There were also hanging pencils. I was not allowed to have pencils. Here's why...One of my fifth graders had mouthed off to me and I (gently) tapped him on the head with a pencil (eraser end) and told him to do what I told him. Guess he went home and told his Dad I beat him over the head with the pointed end of a pencil! and we all know kids never lie ... Had to explain that one! My friends never let me live it down - it was always "watch out she's got a pencil" or "better take that away from her!"
Only paddled 2 kids in 30 years- not that I wanted to, but it seemed the only thing that might make an impression. One was a little boy who insisted on crawling around under the tables while I was trying to give directions.I warned him several times to no avail. The other was a little boy who was rolling up balls of clay and concealing them (or so he thought) in his socks. He looked quite lumpy. I wouldn't have paddled him but he just didn't seem to get the idea that stealing was wrong. Hopefully it was the right thing at the time- never had those problems from those children again, anyway..
My best memory though is of a 1st grader on the first day of school during lunch recess.( Students who got in trouble in their classroom often had to stand against the wall during their recess.) I had playground duty and found this 1st grader standing by the building, sobbing. I asked him what was wrong.. He said "my teacher told me to get on the wall and I don't know how!"
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
My daughter tells me I need new material because she's heard the two previous posts before. That put a little pressure on! So this morning while jogging my 3 miles in the lazy river at the pool I decided to use some pool experiences....
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You've heard of personification- where you give animals human characteristics. Would it be called animalification when you bestow animal characteristics on a person?? I often see people who remind me of animals. There's Porpoise Guy at the pool; his head is shaped like that of a porpoise- has a long blunt snout. Then there's the Wooly Mammoth, the Walrus, and Dog-faced Lady.......
There's also Col. Sanders and Jimmy Carter. Colonel Sanders (pointy white beard) and another guy I think of as Mr. Dick are perverts. You can usually find them blissfully leaning forward against the water jets. When they get in, I GET OUT! The pool often attracts weird guys. You can find them in the hot tub leering at the women bouncing up and down in the water exercise classes. There was one guy who though it would be fun to swim underwater and touch my leg. Have you ever tried to give a well placed kick underwater? doesn't work too well unfortunately. There was a big hairy guy whose ass was always hanging out of his swim trunks who used to come and try to rub up against some of the women in an exercise class I was in. Most were a little frightened of him I think. I just went over to the pool manager and said , "see that guy? If he touches me I'm going to drown him!" Problem solved. He was talked to and given his own space.
Once there was a woman who got into the pool with a long wool winter coat on. It was very strange. That was another time I though it might be best to leave. Another older woman comes who always wears her swimsuit backwards. People are VERY interesting..............................
.
You've heard of personification- where you give animals human characteristics. Would it be called animalification when you bestow animal characteristics on a person?? I often see people who remind me of animals. There's Porpoise Guy at the pool; his head is shaped like that of a porpoise- has a long blunt snout. Then there's the Wooly Mammoth, the Walrus, and Dog-faced Lady.......
There's also Col. Sanders and Jimmy Carter. Colonel Sanders (pointy white beard) and another guy I think of as Mr. Dick are perverts. You can usually find them blissfully leaning forward against the water jets. When they get in, I GET OUT! The pool often attracts weird guys. You can find them in the hot tub leering at the women bouncing up and down in the water exercise classes. There was one guy who though it would be fun to swim underwater and touch my leg. Have you ever tried to give a well placed kick underwater? doesn't work too well unfortunately. There was a big hairy guy whose ass was always hanging out of his swim trunks who used to come and try to rub up against some of the women in an exercise class I was in. Most were a little frightened of him I think. I just went over to the pool manager and said , "see that guy? If he touches me I'm going to drown him!" Problem solved. He was talked to and given his own space.
Once there was a woman who got into the pool with a long wool winter coat on. It was very strange. That was another time I though it might be best to leave. Another older woman comes who always wears her swimsuit backwards. People are VERY interesting..............................
Monday, June 13, 2011
Now you know
Wow. The mind is amazing. What to publish next I'm thinking...and then it just popped into my head...
You've all probably been wondering how the cat hairball ended up in the middle of the pharmacy aisle at Kroger a few years back. Well, here's the story..
I went to the grocery, happened to look down and lo and behold there was a humongous cat hairball stuck to my tennis shoe. I was horrified! I cautiously looked around; there was no one nearby. So I surreptitiously scraped it off with my other shoe then hightailed it out of there! So there you have it...I'm not proud of that moment but you do what you have to do.
You've all probably been wondering how the cat hairball ended up in the middle of the pharmacy aisle at Kroger a few years back. Well, here's the story..
I went to the grocery, happened to look down and lo and behold there was a humongous cat hairball stuck to my tennis shoe. I was horrified! I cautiously looked around; there was no one nearby. So I surreptitiously scraped it off with my other shoe then hightailed it out of there! So there you have it...I'm not proud of that moment but you do what you have to do.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Let me entertain you...how it all got started......
Nothing makes me happier than to make people laugh! I've found that what usually gets a loud guffaw is simply stating the truth- a simple truth that others are reluctant to voice; or- admitting to a weakness or vulnerability. . Me.. I don't really care. I don't care what people think about me as long as they think I'm funny! So.. in response to several requests I am officially launching "Gail's Comedy Blog." Hope you enjoy it!
My debut: It all started in the backseat of the family car. I must have been about 4 or 5 and my brother, Bruce, about 7. Mom and Dad would, on occasion, lock us in the car while they went grocery shopping. (That was back in the day when it wasn't a crime and it was a lot safer). We had strict instructions to keep the doors locked and stay in the car. What they never knew was that the moment they got out of sight we began a little comedy routine for the public.
We would make obscene gestures at passersby. It was also a contest to see who could make the most horrendous faces at people who happened to walk by the car. Often small groups would gather to watch us. We would hear comments such as "well, I never!," " look at this!," or "those children need a good spanking!" (Music to our ears) . Ha ha..we'd think, we can do what we want. We're safely locked in the car. Mom and Dad never knew; we kept on the lookout for them. They would have been absolutely humiliated and horrified. But that's my earliest memory of eliciting some laughs!
My debut: It all started in the backseat of the family car. I must have been about 4 or 5 and my brother, Bruce, about 7. Mom and Dad would, on occasion, lock us in the car while they went grocery shopping. (That was back in the day when it wasn't a crime and it was a lot safer). We had strict instructions to keep the doors locked and stay in the car. What they never knew was that the moment they got out of sight we began a little comedy routine for the public.
We would make obscene gestures at passersby. It was also a contest to see who could make the most horrendous faces at people who happened to walk by the car. Often small groups would gather to watch us. We would hear comments such as "well, I never!," " look at this!," or "those children need a good spanking!" (Music to our ears) . Ha ha..we'd think, we can do what we want. We're safely locked in the car. Mom and Dad never knew; we kept on the lookout for them. They would have been absolutely humiliated and horrified. But that's my earliest memory of eliciting some laughs!
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