Eat that, not this!

OK. I confess. I really CAN cook. It's just that I have major disasters due to lack of focus. There are so many things I'd rather be doing! Like going to the dentist or having a mammogram. I tend to start cooking and then forget that something is in or on the stove until it's too late. The kids always thought the smoke alarm was the dinner bell.
The first thing I ever made was a cake. I remember my Dad trying to cut it; he finally had to break off a chunk against the edge of the table. And once my Mom had the flu and gave me directions for dinner. "Roll the chicken in crushed corn flakes and bake it for 45 minutes," she told me. NEVER did she say anything about cutting it up! I confess it was difficult to roll a whole chicken in cornflakes but I gotherdone! When the chicken bled at it's first cut, Dad pushed back his plate and left the table.
I pretty much got religion thru the kitchen. Our minister came over to visit when I was 10. I had burned a bunch of cookies (was busy reading a book). He insisted on eating some anyway. "I like burned cookies" he told me. I was so impressed that I started actually listening to his sermons.
Speaking of minister's visits I'll never forget having the minister over for dinner soon after Elaine was born..fixed some kind of beef on the grill and it just wouldn't get done. Slapped it on some buns and it kept bleeding all over the plate. It was one hot mess. I was embarassed but tried to make light of the situation by saying things like "Moooo....guess it's still alive!"  or "I should take this back to the barn." He and his wife never cracked a smile. It was horrible!!
Potlucks at work...mine was always the dish left over. Didn't know chicken noodle soup could turn gray. Everything I made always looked like roadkill.
I was responsible for fixing dinner every evening as a teenager when I got home from school as I usually got home an hour or so before Mom..(she was a teacher) Most of those meals were pretty darn good. And my kids always loved my creamed turkey on biscuits. Actually represented Mongomery County at the Ohio State Fair for "Yeast Breads" as a 4-H member one year. So the potential is there ........