Little dick

My daughter left me her dog, Biscuit, and cat, Kitty Kitty, this weekend while she and her boyfriend  took off to commune with nature at a cabin in the Hocking Hills. I had just gotten a dog myself 4 days previously. His name is Dakota. He is little (20 #) but very quick. Wasn't sure how the dogs would get along... My dog decided to have what I can only describe as a "hump fest "with Biscuit. I must have pulled him off Biscuit at least 50 times the first hour. It was embarassing! Then Biscuit would get fed up and they would fight; then I'd have to separate them again. At times they would play but then the orgy would start again.
I decided that my dog should be nicknamed "little dick".. I was constantly yelling.."Leave him alone you little dick!" I had one rawhide bone that they got into a big tussle over. So I went to the store and bought 6 more. They still fought over them. Dakota stockpiled them and Biscuit took one; it was like World War III broke out! I wanted to cry when I wasn't laughing hysterically.
Meanwhile the cat took up residence on the topmost ledge in the kitchen, watching all the commotion and doggie porn from a safe distance.She stayed there all of Fri. and Sat. But turned up in my bedroom on Sunday and crapped on my bathroom rug just to let me know how she felt about everything.
Thankfully Leslie came home early as their cabin was the cabin from hell. I guess everything that could go wrong did- cobwebs, wasp nests, wet firewood , stagnant water in the paddle boat, etc.,( I tried not to be too happy about all that!) Anyway she picked up her "family" while I was at church. I would love to have had a video of the whole scenario. This is how she described it:
According to her she got in the front door to be greeted by 2 jumping dogs who tried their best to get out as she was coming in. She got in and shut the door. By this time the cat had crawled under my bed as far away as possible. Leslie said she began by extricating the cat. She had to shut herself in the bedroom and crawl under the bed herself and drag out the yowling, squirming animal. After a huge tussle and some scratches she finally got her into the cat carrier! Then to wrangle the dogs.... She managed to cut Biscuit out of the herd and got him into the back seat of her car. She thought she had shut the front door but somehow Dakota nosed it open and ran out. Thankfully he didn't run away but stupidly tried to get into the car himself. So she opened the front door and he hopped in. Then he did his "pinball on steroids" imitation and jumped from front seat to back seat to front seat, etc.,.  Les said he was like a "puggle on crack." You get the picture. She finally wrestled him down and out of the car. She referred to him as "Your little wiener" She said " I had your little wiener under my arm and was getting him out of the car when Biscuit got out and I noticed him sitting in the grass. He had a look like-"dare I run away??" " Luckily he was too fascinated by the wrestling match between Les and "my little wiener" and she was able to grab him. She finally got him back into the car and Dakota back into the house and the cat and carrier into the car. She was quite disheveled.
When I got home all was peaceful (like the calm after a tornado) and Dakota was asleep on the couch looking quite innocent. Leslie said " it has been the weekend from hell" and I would tend to agree. I shall be spending the rest of it restoring my house to order.... and washing the bathroom rug.