The exploding muffins...

I NEVER have requests for my cooking but I do get requests for my cooking stories. :) I do many creative things but cooking has never been my forte. I lack focus. I tend to forget when things are on the stove or in the oven. When my kids were young they thought the smoke detector was the dinner bell. I'm the only person I know who can consistently burn things in a crock pot. I made a quiche once that snapped a steak knife in two when I tried to slice it. My pie crust could be used to resole shoes. But I have really made an effort lately and things were going along well until this last week...
I decided to make apple nut muffins ( from scratch) to take to the senior center coffee club. Everything seemed ok. I spooned the batter into paper lined muffin tins and put them into the oven...Now I must admit I wasn't wearing my glasses when I read the recipe.. so that could have some bearing on what happened.
About 20 minutes into the baking process I began to hear funny "popping" noises. "That doesn't sound right," I thought. So I went over and opened the oven door. The muffins were all exploding! It was like 24 mini volcanoes. They were very unhappy muffins. And when I say exploding, I mean EXPLODING! The stuff was hitting me in the chest and plopping onto the floor. The inside of the oven was a sight to behold.. Batter was oozing all over the tops of the muffin tins in between explosions. I've never seen the dog so excited. I was afraid he was going to burn his little tongue licking the floor clean. Well, I turned off the oven and let the muffins calm down a few minutes. Then I took them out. By now the paper liners were embedded in the muffins and the batter was so encrusted in and on the muffin tins I couldn't chisel it out! I've never seen anything like it before! I had to throw away the muffin tins. Threw my tee-shirt into the washer after the dog tried to get friendly with my chest.  So sadly, there were no muffins for the coffee club.
Later that same week I made chili as we were having a "chili cook-off". That went well until I accidentally dropped the entire jar of cayenne pepper into the chili! I tried to scoop out as much as I could but I think that chili probably did bad things to the lining of the stomach!
My latest fiasco was baking salmon. I put it in the oven and actually turned on the timer. Sometime later I kept hearing little periodic dinging noises . Having totally forgotten about the salmon, I though my daughter had some clothes in the dryer! Eventually a little light bulb went off in my head and I extricated the fish from the flame!