There's nothing quite so disconcerting as going to a church mission presentation and finding yourself plastered on a huge screen in your worst possible swimsuit for all the world to see. I went straight into denial mode. It hurt my eyes! So I tried to pretend it really wasn't there! (Even if it was on a mission for God. We had taken severely disabled children to a water park for the day.) I overheard someone say' " That settles it- I can never go to Nicaragua- I can't be seen in a swimsuit like that!" Oh well.....
It always amuses me to see magazine articles that direct one to buy a particular style of swimsuit to "camouflage " problem areas. Like that really works! I always found that the best thing to do was to hang out at the beach or pool with the most morbidly obese person I could find so I would look good in comparison! It's all relative......
Speaking of which I have my own theory of relativity when it comes to swimsuits. E=mc squared is Excess = mass crushed and squished. If you compress something somewhere it's just gonna pop out somewhere else!It's not gonna just disappear...
I buy a lot of swimsuits since I'm in the pool a lot. The chlorine isn't kind to them so they wear out quickly.
The backs tend to become thin to the point that they are transparent. My friends and I have taken a serious oath to always tell each other if our suits are in bad shape as nobody in their right mind looks at their own backside while in a swimsuit!
This time of year I try to hit the sales and stock up for the "dry" season when stores do not stock swimsuits.
I do love a good sale! Imagine my excitement this last week when I found out that Macy's had swimsuits 75% off! I hightailed it over there and found 2 "miracle suits" that I had looked at in passing many times. They normally sell for $142-$146, WAY out of my price range! Now a "miracle suit" is the cadillac of swimsuits. Right on the tag it says that it provides triple the holding power of a regular suit and you can look 10 lbs lighter in 10 seconds. Well let me tell you it is more like 10 minutes. Those buggers are NOT easy to get on. You have to wiggle into it for a while, then rest, then repeat several times. It is "constructed to shape and firm the body"...at least those parts that are not hanging out of the suit. Anyway I took the suits to the register. One rang up for $35, the other for $146. The elderly cashier said "well since one is on sale the other should be, too. So I will give you 75% off of both ( A true miracle, I'm thinking) Then she said I'm going to give you an extra 20% off. I thought I'd died and gone to swimsuit heaven..unheard of! Then her supervisor showed up and said "those suits are not on sale; they NEVER go on sale! It's a mistake!" The elderly cashier said, " well they should be." Then the supervisor says," tell me you did NOT just give her an extra 20 % off! " It was about then that I decided I should take my purchase and get the hell out of Dodge before they took it back! I left them arguing furiously as I practically ran out of the store!
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